Heartbeats
by Littleguinea
Summary: This story is an alternative take on Episode 5 from Series 3. What if something happened that might mean  Louisa would never see Martin again, what would her reaction be...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **– This story is an alternative take on the events of Series 3, Episode 5. What if something happened that might mean Louisa would never see Martin again; what would her reaction be? Thanks go to Gill for her encouragement and Diane for sorting out my dreadful punctuation.

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin and its characters belong to Buffalo Pictures Ltd. I'm only playing with them for a short while.

**Rating** - T

Heartbeats

By

littleguinea

It was the best opportunity that was ever likely to come his way. A date with Louisa and one that had been eagerly anticipated by both of them. The day had started so positively. He'd even managed to compliment her when he saw her in his surgery earlier in the day, getting her blood test. She'd seemed so excited about the concert, and he believed that perhaps it could really be the start of something new between them.

Louisa looked so beautiful when he went to pick her up that evening - stunning, in fact - and he couldn't help staring at her during the concert every chance he got. From the corner of his eye, Martin had also caught her looking at him. It seemed that shewas keen for physical contact with him, placing a flower in his buttonhole, and then eventually they'd shared a brief moment of passion.

Even before she'd led him by the hand into the secluded copse, he'd noticed that she was very emotional and, unfortunately, that observation set off a chain of reactions on Martin's part that was destined to see him ruin his chance once and for all.

Why couldn't he have just accepted that it was the music that Louisa found so moving or, God forbid, the fact that Louisa actually wanted to be with him? She'd wanted to feel his lips against hers, wanted him to be a part of her life, and it was for that reason her eyes glistened and she'd felt the need to display her feelings in such an emotional way. No, that was far too simple an explanation and not one that Martin could ever have accepted. There had to be a medical explanation for her emotional state. What an idiot he was, a stupid, arrogant idiot.

He was violently shaken from his reflective mood by the sound of the door latch being lifted. As he looked up, he saw his Aunty Joan come bursting through the door in her usual blustery fashion. Ungrateful thoughts ran through his mind and immediately he regretted them. She was the only person in the village who really understood and cared for him, and he shouldn't despise her presence in such a way.

Martin had known that it wouldn't be long before she came to see if he was alright. He'd had to walk right past her when she was talking to Bert earlier. If he'd stopped and she'd asked him what the matter was, he knew that he wouldn't have been able to remain composed at that time, and he really didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of Bert. It would have been round the village quicker than a dose of diarrhoea.

The reason he'd stormed back up the hill was that he'd been disgusted with himself. He'd stood at Louisa's window staring at her and then not having the guts to just stand there and wait for her to answer the door. Then her annoying friend had turned up.

How Louisa could believe that Polly or Molly - or whatever her name was - was any better than her, was beyond him. Just because she owned part of her school and could play the bloody cello, Louisa was a hundred times the woman that stuck-up bitch could ever be. If only he had told her that at the concert, but _oh no_ - instead he'd told her that she smelled of urine. What a complete fool!

"Yes, what?" asked Joan.

"Sorry, erm, what did you say?" asked Martin, who hadn't heard a word she'd said since she came through the door.

"What are you so glum about?" she asked.

There really was very little point trying to hide anything from her; ever since he was a child, she'd always been able to read him like a book. She always knew when he was feeling sensitive or isolated. She really was like a mother to him in that respect.

"What's for lunch?"

At that precise moment Martin couldn't imagine ever wanting to eat again and, as guilty as he felt, he really didn't want to spend the next thirty minutes explaining his feelings to his aunt, however caring and well meaning she might be.

"Um, I'm not actually, err, eating."

"Right, I'll be off then," said Joan, bluntly.

Relief washed over Martin as he walked to the door to see Joan out as quickly as possible and then - wham - there it was, exactly the conversation that he wanted to avoid.

Hearing her tell him that any outing between him and Louisa was bound to end in disaster brought back the painful memory of Louisa's words from the previous night to haunt him.

"_We're not going anywhere and we never will,"_ she had said, just before she got out of the car and calmly closed the door on their relationship for the final time.

Martin couldn't control his feelings any longer. His throat tightened and he felt the tears start to sting his eyes. All he could think of was to carry on as normal, so he thanked his aunt for the vegetables and slowly closed the back door behind her. He knew that she would be back; she'd seen his grief and would now know how deeply he felt for Louisa.

~x~

After making himself a strong cup of coffee to keep himself alert after the restless night that he'd had to endure, he made his way back through to the surgery.

On his way, he noticed Pauline and Al, looking very agitated, heading towards the surgery door. He followed them outside and wasn't at all surprised to see that Pauline was involved in a scuffle about her scooter, but the last thing he wanted was for either Pauline or Al to get into trouble because of it.

Remarkably, for once he managed to actually diffuse a situation rather than make it worse, and as he turned to walk back into the surgery, he happened to glance across the harbour and saw Louisa walking with her friend. This was the most he could ever hope for now- brief glimpses of her every now and again, perhaps even the odd amiable conversation, if he was very lucky.

With a very heavy heart, he walked back into the waiting room and stumbled across a distraught Pauline. Today more than any other day he was reluctant to become embroiled in the personal life of his scatty receptionist, but he knew that he would have to at some point, in order to help her with her gambling addiction.

Luckily for him, the telephone rang and he immediately sprung up to answer it.

It was Louisa's voice on the other end. It was wonderful to hear her but she was panicking. Her friend had fallen awkwardly on the beach and couldn't move, so of course Martin gathered up his bag and off he went.

Seeing Louisa sent a tingle through his entire body, but he was there to assist in an emergency, and so again his medical persona came to the fore and he set about taking control of the situation. There was absolutely no way that Holly could drive back that afternoon and so Louisa had said that of course she could stay with _her_.

Once back at Louisa's cottage, with half of the village in tow, Martin made his way up to Louisa's bedroom to check that it was a suitable place for her friend to recuperate.

He couldn't help thinking that if he hadn't been so tactless with Louisa the previous evening, he might actually have found out what Louisa's bedroom looked like under more pleasurable circumstances. His thoughts embarrassed him, especially when he looked across at Louisa as he patted her bed and felt sure that she knew exactly what he was thinking. He hadn't often had carnal thoughts in the past - that was, until he'd met_ her, _and now it seemed that most of his nights alone were filled at some point with dreams of an erotic nature.

After making Holly "comfortable" in his usual uncaring fashion, he excused himself and headed for the door. The quicker he could get out of there the better. He didn't want to get into an awkward conversation with Louisa, but before he'd shut the door behind himself, there she was. He said that he'd come back the next day to check on Holly's progress and Louisa had seemed to find that acceptable, so perhaps there was some hope after all.

~x~

That evening Martin was just preparing to have an early night, in the hope that sleep would come to him easier than it had the night before, when he saw his aunt passing the back window.

"Oh, God", he grumbled to himself.

He'd been expecting it, though; ever since she'd seen him crying earlier in the day, he knew she'd be back.

As usual, she carried a casserole dish in her hands and after asking him if he had eaten and ignoring the fact that he once again said he wasn't hungry, she proceeded in placing it in the oven and started to prepare a pan for some vegetables.

The conversation turned to the fact that Martin and Louisa would never be compatible; at least that was his aunt's view. She'd never make him happy, but Martin knew deep down that if anything, it was he who could never make Louisa happy. Joan was right, even though he hated to admit it to himself. Louisa liked people and was liked by people, and he was neither.

But his aunt was wrong in one respect: said that he wasn't capable of changing. Just because he had chosen to be forthright and honest with people didn't mean he couldn't pretend to be pleasant if he needed to. And in his head a plan was instantly forged, and he decided that he would set it in motion the following day.

"Well, are you going to serve our supper, or do I have to do that for you as well," said Joan, trying to shake some life back into her love-struck nephew.

"Yes, sorry," said Martin, as he banished the idea to the back of his mind for the time being.

He looked around for his oven glove but couldn't find it, so he picked up a tea towel from the work surface and opened the oven door. The heat from the oven stung his eyes as he reached inside for the casserole dish. He took hold of it and started to remove it from the oven, but the heat was too much for the cloth and as soon as he lifted it up, the dish burned his hand and he dropped it to the floor.

"Bugger it! " he yelled, as he shook his hand in order to try and ease the pain that was now coursing up his arm.

The dish fell and shattered into little pieces. Shards of glass flew everywhere and Chicken Chasseur spilled all over the kitchen floor.

"Marty! What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed Joan.

"Well, I would have thought that was obvious," spat Martin, as he knelt down to start picking up the glass.

Joan walked over to offer Martin some help but he just shooed her away. He was frustrated by his own carelessness and the fact that he was letting the situation with Louisa cloud his judgement and make him lose control.

"You've got to pull yourself together, Martin. Accept the fact that it is over with Louisa… not that it ever really got started in the first place, did it?"

Martin could feel the anger building up inside him. She knew nothing about his relationship with Louisa, and he just wanted her to shut up and go away if that was all she was going to say to him. She was his flesh and blood, she was supposed to see things his way, so why couldn't she see that he cared for Louisa and that he _could_ try and make it work?

"What were you thinking of anyway, hmm? If you haven't been able to win Louisa over by now, you must realise that it's a lost cause, Marty."

He could take it no longer; his face had gone a deep shade of red and his hands shook as he tried to concentrate on picking up the glass splinters. All at once he exploded, unable to maintain his composure any longer.

"Shut up, just shut up!" he raged, as he grabbed at a large piece of glass without taking enough care. The shard sliced through his thumb and immediately the blood started to pulse from the wound. It flowed steadily down his thumb and around his wrist. The warmth and smell of it instantly started to make Martin feel nauseous.

"Oh, God," he managed to say, before throwing up all over the kitchen floor.

"Come on, Martin, I think we better get this mess cleaned up, don't you?" said Joan as she reached down to take his arm and pull him up from his crouching position on the floor.

"I think you better just go, Aunty Joan; I'll deal with this myself," sighed Martin, who was both embarrassed with the state that he had allowed himself to get into and still furious with his aunt for not seeing things his way.

"I'll see myself out then," said Joan, as she gathered her things and headed towards the door.

She took a final look back at her nephew, who was still kneeling, attempting to pick up the fragments of glass amongst the vomit and Chicken Chasseur. He looked a shadow of the man she was used to seeing towering above her. She'd seen him like this once before when his heart had been broken, but he was younger then and had been able to move on relatively painlessly; however, this was different. Louisa had got under his skin, and she wasn't sure that he could blank this relationship out quite as easily.

He looked towards the door as it slammed behind his aunt and he cursed himself silently that he had been so rude. He sighed heavily and looked once again at the ghastly mess all over his kitchen floor.

His thumb started to throb and as he took a quick glance at it, he saw that it was still bleeding heavily, so he took some paper towels and wrapped them around the cut to stem the flow. That way he could clear up the mess and then he would clean it up later.

It took him a lot longer than he had expected to make sure there were no glass pieces left on the floor. After he had mopped it all up, he felt very tired and all he wanted to do was make his way up to his bedroom.

Once he got upstairs and undressed, he realised that he hadn't dealt with his thumb and the burn to his hand was also stinging like hell. He was so tired that he really couldn't bring himself to go back downstairs in order to clean up his wounds, and as the cut seemed to have stopped bleeding, he decided to just run it under the tap and then he'd deal with it properly in the morning. It wasn't something that he'd normally do, but he just wasn't in the right frame of mind to do anything other than collapse on his bed and hope that slumber would take him quickly.

~x~

Morning came and Pauline had already arrived at work and had to let herself in, as there was no sign of the Doc anywhere. She put her keys and bag down on her desk and went to hang up her coat. No sign of him in the kitchen either, but there was a rather strange smell in there and she wasn't quite sure if it was a pleasant one or not.

She checked outside the back door and then made her way to the foot of the stairs. There was no way she was going to go up there - goodness only knows what she might find - but she did holler up to Martin's bedroom to see if he was about.

Pauline wasn't a quiet person at the best of times, so as soon as Martin heard her shouting, he sat bolt upright in bed. Immediatelythe room started to spin. He put his hands down behind him to steady himself, and it was then that he noticed that the sheets on the bed were soaking wet. His T-shirt was also clinging to his back and chest. He got up and walked very tentatively towards the bathroom.

After he got out of the shower and started to dry himself, he felt very warm and clammy and found that even though he had showered thoroughly, he was still sweating profusely.

The only thing he could think about was finally putting his plan into action that day. So he banished any concerns he had about his welfare to the back of his mind and started to get ready for his home visit to Louisa's friend.

After he had put a clean dressing on his thumb and the burn to his hand, he told Pauline that he'd be back for morning surgery as usual and then set off to Louisa's cottage.

As he passed Mrs Lamb's house, she asked him if he was on his way to give Holly an epidural. He stopped in his tracks and was about to tell to mind her own stupid business. But then he realised that this was a perfect opportunity to test out his cunning plan.

So, instead of being rude, he enquired as to the success of her lactose-free diet. Pauline's mum seemed more than a little taken aback that he was actually being civil, but the test had gone rather well as far as Martin was concerned, and he was now convinced that this would positively influence Louisa's feelings towards him.

He carried on to the cottage and when he got there he was feeling very hot and breathless, but he just put it down to nerves and the anticipation of seeing Louisa again.

Louisa opened the door and straight away she started grumbling about Holly. Uncharacteristically, Martin showed some concern about her friend's welfare and Louisa stared at him, puzzled by his suddenly improved bedside manner.

The "new" Martin continued to be pleasant and polite after he'd made his way upstairs and had started dealing with his rather grizzly patient.

"Martin, are you alright?" asked Louisa.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, just feeling a little under the weather today, probably just a cold," he replied, pleased that she seemed to be concerned about him.

"No, I mean, what are you doing, being weird?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are, you're being odd and - well, smarmy."

"I'm not being smarmy; I'm just trying to help your stupid friend," Martin hissed. He just couldn't seem to do anything right in Louisa's eyes and he started to develop a splitting headache, which he put down to stress and frustration.

He got the cortisone injection ready and prepared to give it to Holly, who was very indignant that he hadn't given it to her already. But he explained in his usual brusque manner that if he'd given it to her any sooner, she would just have done something stupid because she couldn't feel the pain.

Once finished, he quickly made his way to the front door. His plan had backfired and he was starting to feel a little nauseous as well as dizzy, so he wanted to make his way back to the surgery as soon as he could. But Louisa followed him down the stairs, still curious as to why he'd had the sudden change of character.

"Was that all for _my_ benefit, Martin?" she shouted after him.

All Martin wanted to do was walk away, back to his house, but he turned to face her and then the world began to spin. He vaguely heard her say something about having to want to be nice not just doing it because she wanted him to.

"Why?" he barked back at her and made a quick escape, as he felt sure he was about to pass out and he wanted to get back to the surgery to calm himself down.

~x~

He somehow managed to stagger back to the surgery but didn't stop to talk to Pauline, who was busy filing when he walked in. Instead, he walked through his now crowded waiting room and went straight through to the consulting room and grabbed a glass from the cupboard.

He fumbled with the tap and eventually managed to fill his glass with water. After drinking the cold fluid, he then sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so lousy, and the thing that worried him the most was that he couldn't work out if he was really ill or just wound up because of Louisa.

After taking a few deep breaths, he managed to compose himself enough to start his morning surgery. His arms and legs were beginning to ache and he walked stiffly over to the door and threw it open, shouting, "Next!"

The morning was filled with the usual mundane complaints from the usual irritating patients, and today he was even less tolerant than normal, as he became more and more nauseous as the morning progressed.

During one consultation he had to dash to the toilet. It was a false alarm, but his sense of reasoning seemed to be leaving him because instead of sending his remaining patients home, he attempted to continue with his surgery. He loosened his tie and undid his top button as he went back to his room. Pauline stared at him as he passed and she could sense that something wasn't right. She had never seen him without his shirt buttoned up tightly during surgery hours; come to think of it, she'd never seen him with his tie loosened. Peter Cronk was also waiting patiently beside his mother and he too could see that Martin was struggling.

As Pauline pondered on what could be going on with the Doc, she got a call from Louisa, and she immediately transferred it through to his consulting room.

"Ellingham."

"Martin - it's Holly, she's done something stupid," said Louisa in a panic.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" sighed Martin.

"I went out to get some sun-dried tomatoes and when I came back, she'd gone. She left me a letter saying she couldn't hang around any longer and she had to get back for her rehearsals. What are we going to do, Martin?"

"I have no intention of doing anything," said Martin, bluntly.

"But she's your patient."

"No, she isn't."

"Yes, she is."

"She ceased to be my patient the moment she decided to ignore my advice and do exactly the stupid thing I told you she would."

"That's not very helpful, Martin," hissed Louisa, as she was beginning to lose her temper.

"Don't worry, she won't get very far. She can't feel any pain now, but as soon as she tries to get out of her car, she will. Hopefully, she'll be far enough away from Portwenn that it won't concern us anymore."

"Martin! You might be happy to wash your hands of her, but I happen to care about my friends," said an exasperated Louisa.

"You should be happy; you've got rid of your stupid friend and there's no need for you to see me again either."

"This is not about you, Martin, it's about Holly. Why does everything have to …"

"Louisa, I'm really not in the mood for any of this," said Martin, as he interrupted her rudely. He was starting to sweat profusely, to such an extent that he was finding it difficult to keep a grasp of the phone. He wiped his brow with his free hand and placed his elbow down on the desk in order to keep his head propped up. He could hear Louisa talking but none of the words registered any meaning, and with that Martin put down the phone.

~x~

Louisa couldn't believe that he had just hung up on her in the middle of their conversation. She grabbed her bag and decided that it was time to tell Martin exactly what she thought of him. As far as she was concerned, she'd been kind to him the night of the concert. She'd tried to let him down gently, even though she was furious with his assumptions about her menstrual state.

Seeing him again the following day when Holly had her accident in the harbour had made her doubt her actions of the previous night. She really did care for him, but she just couldn't put up with his insensitive comments any longer.

She swung her bag around aggressively as she walked up the hill towards the surgery.

"Afternoon, Louisa," yelled Joan from the steps of Bert's restaurant.

"Joan," came Louisa's reply, as she strode purposefully onwards.

Joan looked on as Louisa continued up the hill, and she could tell by Louisa's body language that Martin was about to have a tough time of it. Having seen how vulnerable Martin had appeared the night before, she decided that it would be wise to follow Louisa, just in case things got out of hand.

Louisa walked into the surgery just before Joan and she went up to Pauline to ask if Martin was available.

"I don't know, he's been in there for the last ten minutes without any patients… he's acting a bit weird today, actually," she said.

"Yes, you can say that again," huffed Louisa.

And as the two women were about to continue with their dissection of Martin's current behaviour, Joan entered the waiting room. They both looked around at Joan, who in turn walked up to Pauline to ask of Martin's whereabouts. As she was doing so, the consulting room door opened. Martin held onto the door frame as he made his way through.

On seeing him, Louisa started to walk over.

Peter Cronk stared at Martin, concerned by the unsteady look of the GP. He watched as Louisa reached the Doc and started to unleash a tongue-lashing that was enough to fell a man.

"How dare you treat me like that," spat Louisa.

"Like what?" slurred Martin, who was desperately trying to focus on Louisa and remain upright at the same time.

"Like, like… well, like I'm just one of the other villagers," she said, and then suddenly became aware of several pairs of eyes burning holes in her.

"That's what you are, aren't you? You don't want anything to do with me anymore, so all you are to me is a patient."

Joan looked at her nephew and was shocked by his uncaring statement. She knew that those weren't his true feelings, but she didn't know why he was acting in such a way. She tried to make eye contact with him to gauge his mental state, but he looked straight through her.

Peter was still watching him closely too and noticed how disoriented he seemed, and then suddenly Martin lurched forward and staggered past Louisa, knocking into her in the process. Louisa lost her balance momentarily but turned just in time to see Martin collapse as he reached the corner of Pauline's desk.

All three women and Peter Cronk rushed over to where he was lying unconscious on the floor.

"Marty!, For God's sake what's the matter," said Joan, as she immediately knelt down beside him and placed her hand on his arm.

"Tosser's drunk," muttered one of the patients in the waiting room.

Louisa stared down in disbelief at Martin, whose breathing was by now extremely shallow. She quietly knelt down beside Joan and took his hand in hers. It was then that she noticed his dressed thumb and fingers. Peter Cronk noticed them too.

"His hand is very red; has he injured it recently?" Peter asked.

"Yes, he burned himself and then cut his thumb last night. Why? Do you think it has something to do with this?" asked Joan.

Peter felt Martin's forehead and lifted his eyelids to check his pupils, which were unresponsive. Then he walked off towards Martin's room to find a thermometer. After taking Martin's temperature, he said,

"I think you better phone for an ambulance. I'm pretty sure he's suffering from Toxic Shock Syndrome," stated Peter, matter-of-factly, much in the same way as Martin would diagnose a patient.

"Oh my God," cried Louisa. "That can be really serious, can't it?" she asked, as she looked nervously towards Peter Cronk, hoping that he would tell her that she was over-reacting.

"Yes, if he isn't treated quickly, then it could be fatal."

"Shit!" said Louisa as she took Martin's face in her hands and tried to gently shake him back to consciousness.

"That won't do any good; he's probably in a coma by now," said Peter bluntly. "Best thing we can do is to put him in the recovery position." His mother, who had by now also joined the audience that stood above Martin, nudged Peter in the back to try and shut him up.

"Ambulance is on its way," shouted Pauline over the commotion in the waiting room and seeing how full it had got, she decided to go and wait outside for the ambulance to arrive.

Louisa looked anxiously over at Joan and said, "He is going to be alright isn't he?"

"I don't know, dear," said Joan honestly, for she had never seen Martin in such a state and feared greatly for her nephew's well being.

Pauline rushed back in when she saw the ambulance making its way slowly up towards the surgery.

"It's here, the ambulance is here," she shouted.

"Right, give them some room," ordered Joan, as she cleared everyone away from the surgery door. Quite a number of people had come to see what was happening, after news of Martin's illness had made its way along the village grapevine.

The paramedics quickly came in and started to assess Martin's state of health.

"He's got a temperature of 103, he appeared dizzy and confused, and he's recently had a cut to his hand – see, there where his skin is red. I think he has Toxic Shock Syndrome," Peter Cronk told the paramedics.

The two men looked at each other. They were used to being told how to do their job by the man now lying desperately ill in front of them; they really didn't know what was worse.

"It's okay, son, I think we know how to deal with the situation," said the first paramedic as he rolled his eyes.

After a quick examination, they said that they needed to get Martin into the ambulance as soon as they could. They brought the stretcher through and strapped him in and immediately placed an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. Louisa noticed how grey his skin had become and his breathing still seemed dangerously laboured.

"We'll be taking him to Truro if you want to follow along", one of them said to Joan, knowing that she and Martin were related.

Louisa looked anxiously towards Joan.

"You go with him, Louisa; that's what he would want. I'll follow along in the pick-up; we'll need some transport to get us home anyway," Joan said calmly. Underneath she was a wreck. Martin was the nearest thing she had to a son and she knew that the situation was grave even before Peter Cronk's diagnosis.

Louisa didn't wait to be told twice and she dashed out to the ambulance.

"Let me know what's happening," yelled Pauline after her, as she started to shoo everyone out of the surgery. For once she wasn't in the mood for idle tittle-tattle.

The doors to the ambulance were just closing as Louisa got there, so she slammed the palm of her hand against the back door to let them know she was outside.

"I'm coming with him," she gasped, when they looked at her rather oddly.

"I'm his… his, friend," she said awkwardly.

She got into the ambulance and sat down at the opposite side to where Martin was lying. She watched in shocked silence as the paramedic attached wires to his chest and finger. Then, having got the monitor running and after taking some stats, he set about inserting a cannula into Martin's wrist so that fluids could be administered.

"Is that all you're going to do?" asked Louisa.

"Nothing more we can do apart from keep him stable and comfortable. They'll do a full assessment when we get him to Truro," answered the paramedic.

_This really couldn't be happening_, she thought. She sat there in a confused state. Here was the man that she'd thought she loved, the man that she'd told she didn't want to have anything more to do with, and he was just lying there in front of her… lifeless.

Her head told her that she needed to calm down, for Martin's sake as much as for hers, but her heart told her that she was going to lose him and right then her heart was doing a far more persuasive job.

She reached over and took his hand in hers. "Hang on, Martin, you can't leave me now, I haven't finished with you yet. I still haven't told you what a pig you are," she cried, as she began to break down in floods of tears. She rested her head against his chest and stayed there for the remainder of the journey, listening to his faltering heartbeat.

~x~

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin and it's characters belong to Buffalo Pictures Ltd, I'm only playing with them for a short while.

**AN **– Thanks to Diane for her great beta work, any errors are mine because of final tinkering.

**Chapter 2**

~x~**  
**

The ambulance made good progress and it wasn't long before it arrived at Truro Hospital.

"Come on love, we need to get him inside," said the paramedic as he gently pulled Louisa off Martin's chest.

They quickly got the stretcher out of the ambulance and rushed Martin through to the Emergency Room.

"It's all right, we'll take him from here," said one of the nurses, as another took Louisa's arm and directed her towards a waiting room.

"I just need to take some details from you, if that's okay?" asked the second nurse.

They went through various forms, filling in questions about Martin and his next of kin, many of which she was unable to answer. Louisa was shocked at how little she actually knew about him, and she was relieved when she saw Joan dashing through the automatic doors of the A&E Unit.

"How is he,?" Joan asked, breathlessly, as she reached Louisa.

"I don't know; they wouldn't let me stay with him," sobbed Louisa. She knew that she shouldn't be so emotional, especially now that Joan was there. Joan was his family, not her; she had no right to be so upset. "I'm sorry Joan, I'm just being stupid."

"Come on, we all care about him. I know he cares about you," said Joan as she pulled Louisa to her for a reassuring hug. But Joan's words had just made it ten times worse for Louisa.

Of course she knew that he cared about her, as that had been obvious for years, but they just never seemed to be able to sort themselves out. She'd finally decided that she couldn't do it any longer, she couldn't put up with his hurtful comments, but now…

The last conversation that they had, at least the last one she thought he would remember, she'd criticised him for trying to be nice for her. If only she'd given him some encouragement instead of belittling his attempt to change. She was as thoughtless as he was and she was thoroughly ashamed of herself.

Not long after Joan had arrived, a doctor came out of the ER to speak to the two women.

Looking at Louisa, he said, "Are you Dr Ellingham's wife?"

"Err, no, I'm…"

"She's his partner," Joan answered, for Louisa.

Louisa looked over at Joan and smiled weakly. Having received that information, the doctor continued to explain to the two women that Martin was going to be transferred to the Intensive Care Unit.

"We need to give him intravenous antibiotics to start fighting the infection and also immunoglobulin to try and deal with the toxins in his body."

"So he does have Toxic Shock Syndrome?" asked Joan.

"Yes, he does and I'm afraid that I have to tell you that he is very seriously ill. The infection has caused his kidneys to fail, and we are also going to have to place him on dialysis. The next few hours are going to be critical, and I have to prepare you for the worst, I'm afraid," said the Doctor solemnly.

Louisa dropped back down onto the chair. The doctor had confirmed her worst fears; she was never going to have the chance to be happy with him.

"We'll keep you informed of his progress," said the doctor as he prepared to go back to the ER.

"Can we see him?" Joan shouted after the doctor.

"As soon as he is settled in ICU, then one of the nurses will come to get you. You may be able to spend a couple of minutes with him. I have to warn you, though, you may be a little shocked by his appearance." And with that the doctor turned on his heel and walked away swiftly.

Joan looked down to where Louisa was sitting. She recalled the image of her shattered nephew kneeling in his kitchen the night before and was struck by the similarities that she now saw in the woman below her. Why had it taken something like this for Louisa to realise her true feelings for Martin, thought Joan. Life could be very cruel at times - she knew that more than most - and deep down she feared that they would both be grieving by the end of the day.

"Why don't I get us a cup of coffee while we wait? There must be a vending machine around here somewhere," said Joan, as she looked round the waiting area.

"I'm okay, Joan, thank you. I don't think I could stomach anything at the moment," whispered Louisa.

"Fine, I'll just be a second; I see one over there," said Joan, as she pointed down the corridor.

Joan hurried off, not wanting to leave Louisa on her own for too long. When she returned, she noted that Louisa hadn't moved a muscle and was still sitting with her hands clasped together, staring down at her shoes.

Maybe now wasn't the time or place but Joan felt that she had to tell Louisa how Martin really felt about her. If things were as bad as the doctor had said, then Louisa needed to be able to make her peace with Martin, or, as Joan knew only too well, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

"I know about what happened after the concert, Louisa," said Joan tentatively, testing out Louisa's reaction.

Louisa remained silent, still closely examining her shoes. So, Joan decided to push a little further.

"He was very upset that you had finished the relationship, physically upset even. It's one of the only times I've ever seen him cry, actually," continued Joan. "I'm afraid I was rather harsh with him about it, told him he needed to forget about you and move on. I deeply regret that now because you see, Martin cares very much for you; in fact, I'd go as far as saying that he loves you, Louisa."

Louisa stood up abruptly and took a few steps away from Joan. She put her hands to her face and started to sob quietly.

Joan quickly went to where Louisa was standing and wrapped her arms around her.

"I know he loves me… stupid man, stupid bloody man," Louisa sobbed.

"Now, now, come on, you don't mean that," said Joan.

"Of course I don't mean it. I love him too, more than he can probably imagine. But why does he have to make everything so hard for me? All I want to do is to be able to love him without having to make excuses for his behaviour all the time. Anyway, it's probably too late now, he's…" Louisa could continue no longer and, instead, she grabbed hold of Joan as if her life depended upon it, and the two women stood in the middle of the waiting room slowly swaying in each other's arms.

~x~

They were so immersed in their mutual grief that neither of them noticed the ICU nurse approaching them. She stood beside them for a moment and then asked if they were with Martin. They looked round at the nurse and Louisa grabbed hold of Joan's hand. She was convinced that something had happened to him and that the nurse had come to break the bad news

"Dr Ellingham is comfortable in ICU now if you'd like to spend a few minutes with him. There are some things that I need to prepare you for first, though."

Joan squeezed Louisa's hand and nodded to the nurse to continue.

"He is on a ventilator so that his body can take a rest and concentrate on fighting the infection. He is on intravenous fluids and antibiotics, and we have had to catheterise him. You will see that there are a lot of tubes and wires attached to various parts of his body, but please try not to worry about these, as they all serve an essential purpose. He also has a dialysis catheter fitted in his neck; this is to clean his blood and assist his kidneys. He is in a stable condition, but he is still very poorly."

"Thank you. I think we'd like to see him now," said Joan as she looked towards Louisa, who was nodding in agreement, albeit tentatively.

Louisa and Joan followed the nurse to the ICU. Once inside, they were instantly aware of all the strange sounds that the monitors were making.

"Please don't worry about all the noise; it's perfectly normal," the nurse reassured them, having noticed their concern.

As they walked silently towards Martin's bed, they could see that he was indeed attached to a variety of wires. The sheet was folded down and rested across his stomach. His chest was covered with the sticky pads of the heart monitor; he had an endotracheal tube in his mouth that was attached to the ventilator and two IV lines inserted in his wrists as well as the dialysis catheter in his neck.

They watched in horror as his chest rose and fell in an unnatural, mechanical rhythm.

"You can stay for a short while," said the nurse, gesturing for them to sit at his bedside.

Joan gently nudged Louisa over to the chair nearest to Martin and she took a seat beside her.

"He just looks like he's sleeping," whispered Louisa. But she knew that he was actually in a coma and was unable to wake up. They hadn't even needed to give him a sedative; he was that poorly.

"He's a stubborn man; he won't let this defeat him," said Joan, trying to convince herself of that fact as much as Louisa.

"Oh, Joan, I should have known that there was something wrong with him this morning. He said that he was feeling under the weather," Louisa sighed. "Maybe if I'd insisted that he get some help, things wouldn't have come to this."

Joan took hold of Louisa's hand and they sat in silence watching helplessly as the man that they both loved lay in front of them, totally oblivious of the danger that he was in and the concern that he was causing.

Louisa reached for Martin's hand carefully, so as not to disturb the cannula. Joan could see the nurses looking over at them, and she knew that they would soon be asked to leave. She decided to give Louisa a little time on her own with Martin, and so she made an excuse that she needed to visit the ladies and said that she would meet Louisa outside.

Joan leaned over her nephew, kissed him gently on the forehead and whispered to him, "Stay strong Marty. I need you here with me in Portwenn. I've always wanted you here… bye, son."

Louisa had heard Joan's words and tears began to prick her eyes. She watched as Joan left the ICU and then she turned once again to Martin, who was still lying motionless, the monitors bleeping and flashing around him.

It was all too overwhelming, and she was still struggling to understand the feelings that seemed to be tearing her apart. In the last 48 hours she had gone from never wanting to see him again to desperately wanting to hold him in her arms one more time.

She put her hand on his chest and felt its rise and fall. He was warm and still very clammy. She looked at his hand where he had cut himself. It was her fault, all her fault. If she hadn't caused him so much pain, he would never have been in that situation. She knew that he loved her and how dare she presume to try and change him. All she wanted now was for him to open his eyes, look over at her and tell her that she looked awful or that her breath smelled or any other insult that he could think of to throw at her. She would happily accept it.

"I'm afraid it's time for you to leave, Miss," said the nurse politely.

Louisa nodded and she stood so that she was beside Martin's head. She bent down, put her hand on his forehead and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Joan looked through the window of the IC Unit and saw Louisa softly stroke his hair as she whispered something in his ear.

"I know you can't hear me, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I love you, Martin." She kissed his hand and then carefully placed it back down by his side. Reluctantly she walked towards the door but glanced back, only to see several nurses busily going about their duties around Martin's bed.

The two women walked hand in hand from the hospital to return to Portwenn, leaving behind them the man that they both cared so much about.

~x~

The following day it wasn't long before the entire village knew how seriously ill Martin was. Even though he wasn't widely liked as a person in Portwenn, he _was_ respected as their GP and there was much discussion about his chances of recovery.

Pauline had decided to open the surgery, as she knew that she would be faced with a steady stream of people enquiring as to his condition. Not long after she had opened up, Louisa came in.

"Louisa, have you heard anything?" asked Pauline.

"Err, no news really. I rang the hospital as soon as I got up, but they just said that he was comfortable."

"Don't suppose they'd give you much information anyway, seeing as you're not… well, you know, you're not…"

"His wife, girlfriend, partner. Yes, I know; thank you, Pauline," prickled Louisa.

"Anyway, he's in the best place," said Pauline, hurriedly trying to diffuse the situation.

Gesturing up the stairs towards Martin's bedroom, Louisa said, "I'll just go and collect some things."

Pauline watched as Louisa walked slowly up the stairs, and then she carried on filing, doing anything to keep her mind occupied.

Louisa had never been upstairs in the surgery, so it was unfamiliar territory to her. She easily located his bedroom and walked over to his cupboards. She took out some clean pyjama bottoms and a couple of T-shirts. She also grabbed a few pairs of boxer shorts from his drawer, although she felt very awkward rummaging around in his things, as if she was violating him in some way.

She walked over to his bed and noticed that it was still crumpled from the last time he had slept there. That in its self seemed very strange, for he always seemed so particular about everything. It just made her realise even more that Martin hadn't been himself the previous day.

She sat down on his bed and ran her hand across the cover. She reached over and picked up the crumpled T-shirt that lay beside his pillow. Holding it to her face, she buried herself in it and inhaled deeply, obtaining some comfort from its familiar smell. She held it to her for several minutes and then after neatly folding it, she placed it under his pillow and then she made his bed.

Having collected all the items she needed from his bathroom also, she went back downstairs and hearing that Pauline was in the kitchen, she took the opportunity of slipping quietly out of the surgery.

~x~

She hadn't been back at the cottage very long before Joan arrived to drive them both to the hospital.

After they had exchanged pleasantries, they quickly headed off to see Martin.

When they finally got there, they went straight to the ICU. They had been told that all being well, they should be able to spend longer with Martin that day. There would be some routine things that would have to be done and on those occasions, they would be asked to step out of the room. Apart from that, they could stay with him.

When they got there, they were shocked to find that Martin was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh my God, what's happened to him?" asked Louisa, with her heart in her mouth.

Joan quickly looked around for a nurse and on seeing one at the nurse's station, she went over to see what was happening. Joan returned and was pleased to reassure Louisa that Martin had just been taken for a scan.

"They need to know how well his kidneys are functioning," explained Joan.

"Right, good… so he'll be back soon?" asked Louisa anxiously.

"Yes, they expect him any minute."

And no sooner had Joan said this than Martin was returned to the Unit.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait outside while we settle him back in," said the polite nurse again.

Louisa and Joan went outside and watched through the window.

Joan looked on at her nephew and felt saddened at his fragile appearance. The once irritatingly stubborn, but very proud man was certainly now a shadow of his former self.

The nurses made him comfortable and decent and then gestured for the two women to re-enter.

This time Louisa suggested that Joan should sit nearest to him, but she was having none of it and made sure that Louisa sat right next to him. After only a few minutes, the doctor that they had seen the previous day entered the department and headed over to see them.

"I believe that you and Dr Ellingham know Chris Parsons," said the doctor to Louisa. "He's in London at the moment, but he heard about Martin's admission and he wants you to know that as soon as he gets back, he'll pop in to see how things are."

Louisa nodded and reached over for Martin's hand.

"Did you hear that, Martin? Chris sends his best," she said, trying to act as normally as possible.

"Martin has had a reasonably good night. He has remained stable and is tolerating his treatment well. It will be several days yet until we know if the antibiotics are having the desired effect, however," explained the doctor.

"So, he's going to be alright; is that what you're telling us?" asked Joan, hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that as yet. It does appear that his kidneys are not as bad as we first feared, but we are going to continue with the dialysis just to give them the best chance possible. He is still fighting the infection and we will continue with the intravenous antibiotics."

"Is he sedated now?" asked Louisa.

"No, he's still in a coma, I'm afraid. When he starts to come round, if he is agitated by his whereabouts, we may have to sedate him so that he doesn't do himself any further harm," explained the doctor.

"When do you expect him to regain consciousness?" asked Joan.

"It'll be a good sign if he makes an attempt in the next 24 hours. If there's anything else you want to ask, just let me know," said the doctor as he smiled kindly and then continued with his rounds.

For the rest of the day, Joan and Louisa took it in turns to stay with Martin. Neither of them wanted to leave the hospital, but they did feel the need to stretch their legs and escape from the suffocating atmosphere of the ICU every now and again.

The day came and went with no sign of Martin regaining consciousness. Louisa had felt sure that he would be back with them before the day was out, so when it came time for them to leave, it was with a heavy heart that she went to bid him an emotional farewell. The optimism that she'd had earlier in the day had disappeared and been replaced by an awful foreboding that she would never be able to talk to him again.

"Oh, Martin, please wake up just one more time. I need you to know that I love you and that I've been so very stupid. I want you more than you could ever imagine; please don't leave me," she pleaded, and once again she reached across to stroke his hair and kiss his forehead.

Just as she was about to leave, the monitor beside his bed began to bleep furiously. Two nurses rushed over to him and the doctor quickly appeared. The doctor removed the tube from his mouth and both Joan and Louisa, who had stood back out of the way, heard Martin splutter.

"Please tell us what's happening?" pleaded Joan, to a nurse who was standing near by.

"Don't worry, he's regaining consciousness, so they need to take out the tube that has been helping him to breathe; hopefully he'll be able to breathe on his own."

Louisa and Joan looked at each other, a mixture of concern and relief etched on their faces as they watched anxiously to see how Martin would cope.

The monitor had returned to its regular beeping rhythm and the doctor made his way over to them.

"Martin is breathing on his own for the moment, but he may continue to drift in and out of consciousness for some time yet. He is slightly confused but that's to be expected. Don't be surprised if he has no recollection of what has happened," explained the doctor, helpfully. "You can go over now."

Joan walked to Martin's side and squeezed his hand gently. He looked up at her and smiled weakly and appeared to try and say something to her.

"Don't try and talk, Marty. Best keep your strength up. There's someone else here who wants to see you," said Joan, as she reached for Louisa's arm and pulled her over towards Martin. Joan moved out of the way to allow Louisa beside him.

Louisa sat down and put her hand next to his on the bed. He reached for her hand and held it very loosely in his; it was all the strength he could seem to muster.

Pulling the oxygen mask away from his mouth with his other hand, he whispered softly, "Louisa, I'm so sorry, I've been such a fool; you deserve better."

"No, I'm the fool. It shouldn't have taken this to happen, for me to realise how much I love you," she said, as she leaned over him and kissed him on the lips before taking the mask from his hand and returning it to his mouth.

Martin drifted back to sleep, so Louisa and Joan both quietly said goodnight to him and went home for some much needed sleep.

~x~

Over the next few days, Martin made good progress and it wasn't long before he was taken off dialysis and some of the cannulas were removed. He still required intravenous antibiotics, however, but he was deemed stable enough to be moved to a general ward.

To Louisa and Joan, it was plain to see that he was getting back to normal as he couldn't help but try to diagnose some of the new patients that came into the ward on a day-to-day basis.

Also, he was less than complimentary about the hospital food and made sure that Joan brought something healthy with her that he could eat when the nurses weren't looking.

However, Louisa was pleased to note that he hadn't once made a hurtful comment to her about anything remotely personal, and she just wondered whether the whole near-death experience might actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

They spent a lot of time together over the following few days and seemed to be much more comfortable in each other's company, and it was easy to see that Martin was far more cheerful when he spotted Louisa coming into the ward.

After a couple more weeks, Martin had been told that he could be discharged from hospital as long as there was someone at home to look after him. He was still very weak and would be unable to properly look after himself for some time yet.

Joan had been keen to have him stay at the farm, but they had been advised against that because of the potential for further infection. The wounds on Martin's hand had been drained and cleaned when he'd first entered hospital, but unfortunately some of the infected skin had to be removed and he faced a further skin graft in the near future in order to allow his hand to heal properly.

So, Louisa quite happily said that Martin could stay with her until he was strong enough to return to his own house.

~x~

Finally, it was the day of Martin's discharge from the hospital. Louisa had cleaned up her house and made sure that she had everything she needed to make him comfortable. She'd been out and bought a more masculine duvet set, as she didn't think that he would appreciate sleeping in her bright red sheets.

As it was a one-bedroom cottage, she had been able to borrow a fold-away bed from Sally Chadwick. It fitted easily in the lounge, and Louisa was sure that it would be more than comfortable for the couple of weeks that Martin would be staying with her.

Joan had seemed quite happy for Martin to be staying there, and after being rather reluctant at first, it seemed that Martin was quite happy with the arrangement too.

It would be several weeks before he regained his strength, and as the school holidays were coming up, Louisa knew she'd have plenty of time on her hands to make sure that he didn't over-do things at first.

Joan had decided not to go to the hospital; she thought it was probably better if Louisa just picked him up. Too much fuss wouldn't do Martin any good, and just the effort of leaving the hospital would put a huge strain on his body.

Louisa went straight to Martin's ward and was pleased to see him sitting on the edge of his bed. As soon as he saw her, he immediately asked,

"I couldn't find my suit amongst any of the things you brought in for me."

"Well, I really didn't think you would want to wear a suit when you came out of hospital. You're just going straight back to my cottage, remember?" Louisa replied.

"Anyway, I thought these would be far more comfortable," she said as she held up a pair of jogging bottoms and a new T-shirt.

Martin looked at her in horror. He hadn't worn jogging bottoms since his days at school and even then, it was only when absolutely necessary. But he really didn't have the energy to argue, so, after Louisa had closed the curtains around his bed, he started to get dressed.

"Are you managing, Martin?" she asked from outside the curtain.

Martin was struggling with his socks and so with great reluctance, he had to admit that he needed some help.

"I can't manage my socks with this damned hand, I'm afraid."

Louisa slipped through the curtain and saw that Martin looked exhausted. He'd managed to put on his jogging bottoms and had made a reasonable attempt with his T-shirt. She pulled the shirt down his back for him and then stooped down in order to put on his socks and shoes.

Martin looked at her as she carefully slipped each sock on. He could see now why she was such a good teacher; she showed so much compassion and care with everything and everyone.

"There," she said as she patted his foot. "Let's get all your stuff together and get out here. What do you say?"

Martin nodded and after she'd helped him slip his feet into his shoes he reached for her hand to help her up. He held it rather longer than he intended to and when he realised, he quickly let her go. Louisa put his shyness down to his weakened state and she quickly went to pack all of his belongings into the hold-all that she had brought to the hospital earlier in his stay.

A nurse had already brought Louisa a wheelchair to take Martin out to the car. Reluctantly, he agreed to sit in it, but only until he was out of sight of the nurses and then he made Louisa leave it in the corridor. He walked very unsteadily the remaining way and Louisa found herself holding him around the waist to help him.

Once back at Louisa's cottage, Martin struggled to get up the stairs because he was so exhausted, but he refused to accept her help. She had already had to help him a lot more than he felt comfortable with. He really was a very stubborn man, but his pride wouldn't allow him to admit defeat and eventually he made it into her bedroom.

He slumped down onto her bed and Louisa took hold of his legs to help him swing them round and up onto it.

She sat down beside him and they looked at each other, but Martin broke off the stare and shuffled his bottom up the bed so that he was in a sitting position, resting against the headboard.

"Thank you for your kindness, Louisa," he said sincerely. She reached for his hand, but he pulled it away and Louisa could see that he was shattered, so she decided to leave him to rest.

Martin continued to convalesce well. He slowly regained his strength and he and Louisa started taking short walks in the village to try and build up his muscles once again.

During this time, they skirted round any conversations about their "relationship." Louisa was worried that Martin had changed; he appeared more introverted and quiet and he shied away from any physical contact with her. Louisa put it down to the effects of being in hospital; they had been warned that there could be some psychological issues that he would need to overcome on his discharge, but for the moment she was just happy to have him back and close to her.

Martin did continue to be rude and brusque, however, especially with the many visitors that came to ask about his well-being. Thankfully, though, he had realised that he was better keeping any personal observations about Louisa to himself.

He was happy that he and Louisa were once again friends, and he was reluctant to push her any further. If this was all he could hope for, then he'd be happy, for at least he could see her and talk to her.

It was the thought that Louisa might not want to be with him that frightened him so much. He really didn't think he could take her rejection again. It had scared him that the effects of losing her before had led him to make an almost fatal mistake and one that was totally out of character. He hadn't cleaned his injured hand after he dropped the casserole dish and this had led to the infection entering his body. He couldn't ever allow himself to lose his self control in such a way again. He was a doctor; he couldn't afford to put his patients at risk, God forbid… Louisa.

Martin spent three weeks at Louisa's cottage, but then he decided that it was probably time that he got back to normal and return to the surgery. He was hoping that he could soon go back to work part-time, after he'd undergone the surgery on his hand.

Although Martin and Louisa had grown a lot closer and seemed to have a better understanding of each other, he still couldn't allow himself to be put back into a situation where he risked losing control of his emotions. He had resigned himself to the fact that his aunt had been right. He couldn't change, and Louisa deserved to be loved by a man who could show her respect and make her happy.

In turn, Louisa was confused by Martin's behaviour. He had appeared overjoyed in hospital when she'd told him that she loved him, but now she doubted how much he had actually taken in when he was in there. They had told her that he was confused and slightly disorientated, so maybe he just didn't remember what she'd said.

She hadn't wanted to force herself on him whilst he was recovering. Although he was almost back to normal with his acerbic comments, she had also noticed that he seemed to be a far more vulnerable man now. She desperately wanted their relationship to develop, but now she doubted Martin's feelings for her and she could feel him slipping away from her once again.

On the day that Martin was due to return home, Louisa had offered to help him pack up his things. He was now physically quite capable of looking after himself, but Louisa wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. She'd grown accustomed to having him around her, and the thought of seeing him walk out of her life once more was filling her with great sadness.

She watched as he meticulously packed his bag. He'd asked her to bring one of his suits from the surgery, which she had done, and he now looked like the old Martin again. Gone were the jogging bottoms and T-shirts; it was time to get back to "normal" for him.

"Well, I think that's everything," he said, as he zipped up the bag.

"Why don't you have something to eat before you go?" asked Louisa, hoping that he would stay a little longer, and feeling increasingly anxious that he was walking out of her life for good.

"Err, no, I think I had better just get back. You've been more than generous with your time and hospitality, Louisa. I really don't know what I would have done without your help."

Martin picked up his bag and made his way down the stairs; he knew that he had to go, and there was little point in dragging out the inevitable. If he didn't go now, then he would be in the same state as he had been only a few weeks ago.

Louisa's heart was thumping in her chest and she felt an overwhelming sadness fill her whole body. She watched as he walked steadily down the stairs. He placed his bag at the bottom and went into the kitchen to collect a bag of groceries that Louisa had bought for him to take back with him.

Louisa followed him and walked into the living area.

"Well, I'll see you soon, I expect," he said, as he walked over to her and kissed her softly on the cheek. She grabbed his hand as he made to walk away, but he carried on and she had to gently let it go.

He picked up his bag of groceries and walked up the two steps from the kitchen.

"Martin," shouted Louisa. He turned to look at her.

"When you were in hospital, I thought that I'd lost you. Thought I'd never get to tell you that I was sorry. Sorry for what I said to you the night of the concert, sorry that I ignored your attempts to change. Having you here with me has felt so normal and so… well, perfect."

Louisa walked towards where Martin was standing.

"You're an extraordinary man, Martin," she said, struggling to remain in control her emotions.

"No, I'm not," he replied, desperately trying to cling onto his resolve not to become involved again for both of their sakes. But… could it be that she truly wanted to be with him, could they finally be reaching the understanding that they had struggled for so many years to attain.

"Marry me," she said, hoping upon hope that he would agree.

"What was that?" he asked, taken aback by her unexpected declaration.

"Martin, I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you and I can't bear to be without you… please will you marry me."

Martin put down his bags and stepped down to her level. He couldn't quite believe what she had just said, but the remainder of his resolve was shattered in an instant.

"Yes, Louisa, yes I will," he whispered, as he pulled her towards him and scooped her up. He closed his eyes tightly to stop the tears from flowing and rocked her gently in his arms.

~x~

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**AN** – This chapter carries on where Episode 5 of Series 3 left off. My alternative version to the remaining episodes of Series 3. Thanks again to Diane and also to Gill for her encouragement.

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin belongs to Buffalo Pictures Ltd, no copyright infringement intended.

** Chapter 3**

~x~**  
**

"You are sure, Louisa, aren't you?" asked Martin, his chin resting on her shoulder and his eyes still tightly shut. He didn't dare open them in case it had all been a daydream.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life, Martin," Louisa replied, as she hugged him even tighter.

Martin gently set Louisa back down on the floor and she took a step back from him. He took both of her hands in his and traced tiny circles on her palms with his thumbs.

"You're so beautiful, Louisa. I knew from the very first time that I saw you that I'd never meet anyone else as beautiful as you are."

"Oh, Martin. Sometimes you're a real mystery, do you know that?" sighed Louisa.

"I don't understand," said Martin, intrigued by Louisa's statement.

She led him over to the sofa and they sat together, still holding hands. Martin was very reluctant to let her go, and Louisa was happy to give him the security he seemed to crave.

"I don't really want to talk about the concert; I wish we'd never gone now. But the reason I said I didn't want to see you anymore was because of the hurtful comments that you made and they weren't the first, were they?"

"No, I suppose not," said Martin, bashfully.

"And then you go and say something as romantic as that. You're like Jekyll and Hyde, Martin. I never know where I am with you," explained Louisa.

Martin let go of her hands and placed his own hands on his knees. Louisa could see that he was shying away from her and starting to withdraw into himself. Maybe she'd said too much. His mental state was still very fragile, and she knew that their break up had led to Martin eventually ending up in hospital.

She reached over for his hand and brought it back onto her lap.

He lifted his eyes to hers and she could see that he was hurt. She stroked his cheek and then let her hand slide through his hair to the back of his neck. Slowly she brought his lips to hers and she kissed him softly.

Looking into her eyes, Martin mustered all the courage he could find within himself to say, "I don't ever mean to hurt you; I'd never do that intentionally. You do know that, don't you?" Martin tried to explain. "I just don't think before I open my mouth. I've always been the same. Not sure that I can change now."

"I don't want you to change, Martin. I love you for who you are. I shouldn't have been so cruel to you the day you came to see Holly. I should have realised that you were doing it for me."

"But what if I annoy you all the time and if I can't make you happy?" asked Martin, tentatively.

"Nearly losing you made me realise that the only way I'll be happy is if we're together, nothing else matters, Martin," whispered Louisa, and she kissed him once again, a little more passionately this time.

As they slowly broke away, Martin said softly, "You do bring out the best in me, you know. I realise that might be hard to believe sometimes."

"Oh, I think you have a lot more to give, Martin. I'm looking forward to coaxing it out of you," Louisa teased.

"You are going to stay now, aren't you?" she asked, hopefully.

"Yes… that'd be nice," Martin replied. He was feeling a bit embarrassed by their discussion, especially as he didn't feel comfortable when he had to open up and talk about his feelings. But he was glad that Louisa had invited him to stay a bit longer.

Gently, Martin cupped one side of Louisa's face in his hand. With the other he slowly swept away some stray hairs from her face.

"You're so pretty; I always found it hard to believe that you weren't already in a relationship. I imagine you could have had any man that you took a fancy to," said Martin.

"Well, for the past few years, the only man that I've _taken a fancy to_ has been you, Martin."

"And I've always managed to spoil it somehow," Martin sighed.

"Let's forget about the past, shall we? We have so much to look forward to now," purred Louisa, as she began to nuzzle his neck provocatively.

Martin enjoyed the feel of Louisa's lips against the sensitive skin of his neck. He felt comfortable enough to relax on the sofa, and she snuggled into his arms.

Louisa always loved to run her fingers through his hair, even though it was so short and Martin was happy to let her, as he was revelling in her touch.

Suddenly he found the confidence that he always seemed to lack when they were in an intimate situation. He kissed her deeply, and they both became totally absorbed in the closeness of their bodies.

Louisa was encouraged by Martin's enthusiastic response, and so she began to loosen his tie and undo the top button of his shirt.

"Why don't we go somewhere a bit more comfortable?" Louisa suggested, as she took him by the hand and pulled him gently up from the sofa.

"Come on," she said, gesturing towards the stairs.

"Erm, I'm really not too sure, Louisa," Martin said, taken aback by the thought of going upstairs with her.

He was enjoying their intimacy, but the thought of taking it any further right at that moment made him a little nervous.

"Well, I think this is long overdue, don't you, Martin?"

"Um… I'm not sure… what I mean is…err, I don't think I'll be very much use to you at the moment," he said, nervously.

"Don't worry, we'll take it slowly; all that matters is that you'll be there next to me, that's the important thing," replied Louisa, as she squeezed his hand in order to reassure him.

"Well, okay," he said quietly. Then suddenly Martin stopped and pulled Louisa gently back, "Louisa… just one thing. Please will you change those ghastly beige sheets?"

"Well… if that's what you want. I didn't think you'd be too keen on my red ones."

"God, yes. You've no idea how often I've dreamt about lying next to you in those sheets."

"Martin Ellingham! You are a dark horse, aren't you?" replied Louisa, pleased that he was finally losing his inhibitions.

Louisa was conscious of the fact that Martin still wasn't back to full fitness, and she suspected that because he was meticulous in everything he did, he would be no different in bed. She hoped that he would be able to let himself go – _go with the flow_, as Bert Large would say. Today, though, she just wanted to feel his skin next to hers; she wanted to make him feel secure and wanted. She was acutely aware of the damage that she had done, and she was adamant that she was going to make it up to him.

As Martin allowed Louisa to lead him up the stairs towards her bedroom, he felt his heart begin to race. He desperately wanted to please Louisa, but he also knew that he was still weakened from his stay in hospital, and as well as that, he was a considerable number of years older than she was. He just hoped that he would live up to her expectations… whatever they might be.

Martin decided to go into the bathroom to freshen up whilst Louisa changed the sheets. He brushed his teeth and used his mouthwash. He'd once accused Louisa of having bad breath, something that he now realised had been one of his "hurtful comments". So the last thing he wanted was to offend her all over again by repulsing her if he had bad breath himself.

"Okay, Martin, just go and make yourself comfortable whilst I freshen up," said Louisa, as she breezed into the bathroom.

"Oh, um, yes, yes of course," answered Martin, as he squeezed past her awkwardly.

He went and sat on the side of the bed and bounced up and down a little to gauge the noisiness of the mattress. He had been sleeping on it for the last few weeks, so he knew it was of a medium firmness, but he wasn't a restless sleeper, so he didn't know if it was squeaky or not.

He heard Louisa turn off the tap, and he instantly stopped bouncing up and down and sat there looking very embarrassed and very uncomfortable.

Louisa opened the bathroom door and walked towards him. She was wearing a beautiful white lace negligee. Just staring at her took his breath away.

Louisa placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself and whispered in his ear, "Just relax, Martin, I'll be gentle with you."

She sat astride his lap and slowly unbuttoned his jacket, then discarded it on the floor.

"Oh, err, I think I should maybe hang that up," stuttered Martin, but he was quickly silenced by Louisa, who had already begun to loosen his tie a little more. She removed it and placed it around her own neck as she continued to unbutton his shirt.

Finally she undid the last button and gently pushed it off his shoulders and down his arms. Then it quickly joined his jacket on the floor.

By this time, Martin was past caring where his clothes ended up. All he could think about was holding Louisa in his arms and caressing her silky soft skin.

She still wore his tie and he was mesmerised by the way that it nestled between her breasts. Louisa now placed her hands on his shoulders again and reached forward to kiss him deeply. She trailed her fingertips down his chest and stomach until she came to his belt buckle. Then she deftly undid it. She decided to allow him to take off his own trousers, just in case he found the whole thing a bit overwhelming.

Being overweight had never really been a problem for Martin, but since being in hospital for three weeks, he had lost a few extra pounds and his suit was slightly baggy on him. He looked so much better out if it, Louisa thought, as she watched him remove his trousers and socks.

He sat back down on the bed in just his boxer briefs and embraced her, pulling her closely to him. Eventually, she pushed him slowly down onto the bed and he shuffled his way up to the pillows. She sat astride him again and began to remove her negligee.

Martin had to pinch himself as he saw one of his fantasies replaying in front of him, and he couldn't quite believe that it was happening for real.

Louisa's negligee joined Martin's suit on the floor and all she had left on was his tie. She leant over him; the tie dangled down and the end of it was now tickling his stomach. He reached up and grabbed hold of it and gently pulled Louisa down to him. His lips captured hers and he savoured the taste and feel of her.

He rolled her over so that they were lying side by side. This is how he had wanted to see her with her hair draped delicately over the bright red pillows.

"You are sure that this is what you want?" asked Martin.

"Yes… now stop worrying," replied Louisa, as she took his hand and placed it on the top of her thigh.

Martin needed no further encouragement. He'd waited for this moment from the instant that he'd met Louisa. He wasn't one for believing in love at first sight, but with Louisa it had been different. She was the main reason that he'd stayed in Portwenn. He'd been ready to pack it all in even before he'd started, but the thought of walking away from her had been too much for him to contemplate.

He let his hand explore her thigh, rubbing it softly over her delicately smooth skin.

Soon they were lost in each other, and Martin quickly forgot about his weakened state. Somehow he felt a surge of energy within him.

It was going to be a tiring night, but he knew he was up to the challenge and Louisa sincerely hoped he was too.

~x~

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

**AN** – This chapter is based on Series 3, Episode 6. My alternative version to the remaining episodes of Series 3. Thanks again to Diane for her beta talents (any errors are my own, from too much tinkering) and also to Gill for her encouragement.

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin belongs to Buffalo Pictures Ltd, no copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter 4**

~x~

Seagulls screeched as they circled the harbour, eager to greet the early morning catch.

Louisa awoke with a start and was immediately aware of Martin's warm body wrapped closely around her. His legs were tightly curled against hers and one arm trailed lazily across her stomach, whilst the other held her tightly to him.

She could feel his hot, moist breath against the back of her neck. He was breathing slowly and steadily. She savoured the feeling of security that he gave her. He was such a big, strong man and he was hers; there could be no doubt about that now. It had taken them a number of years to get to this point, but she was happy.

Martin slowly stirred and he pulled the hair away from her neck so that he could place a soft kiss there.

She turned to look at him. His hair was slightly dishevelled and his eyes looked tired but contented.

"Good morning," he said.

"Morning, Martin," she replied.

"Erm… I hope you weren't disappointed last night. You don't regret…"

"No! Of course not, Martin," Louisa quickly replied, as she kissed him on the cheek.

"No, me neither… err, Louisa?"

"Yes, Martin."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but could you just ask me again…"

"Ask you?" wondered, Louisa.

"It's just, yesterday came as such a shock in so many ways and it just hasn't sunk in yet," Martin tried to explain.

"Oh, yes, I see," answered Louisa. "Right, will you marry me, Martin?... was that okay?"

"Yes, yes, thank you, Louisa. That was… useful."

She felt sure that she'd never completely get used to his repressed ability to express his feelings. But perhaps that was why she loved him so much. He wasn't perfect, he had his flaws… lots of them actually, but he was who he was. At least she knew where she stood with him now… or she thought she did.

She put her arm across his stomach and snuggled closely into him, resting her head on his chest. In turn, Martin wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He inhaled deeply and her sweet aroma filled his lungs. It made him feel even more of a fool for telling her that she smelled like pee.

Louisa rested quietly, listening to Martin's heartbeat, which was now regular and powerful, a far cry from the shallow beats that had almost torn her apart as she had laid her head against his chest in the ambulance only a few weeks before. She couldn't think of another time when she had been so frightened. His heart had sounded so weak, not at all like the heartbeat of a big healthy man.

After a few minutes of silent reflection, where they both just savoured being next to each other, being together, Louisa lifted her chin off his chest and looked at him.

"We need to tell Joan before she hears it from somebody else. You know what it's like around here," Louisa said. "Maybe you could ring her after breakfast?"

"Yes, you're right. She deserves to be the first to know. I _will_ try ringing her but she's usually outside feeding the chickens first thing. The other problem is, I have to get back to the surgery this morning. I had already organised with Pauline that I'd start doing morning surgeries again… just to ease myself back into it," Martin explained. "I… don't suppose _you_ could go up to the farm?"

"Well, not really, Martin. And she is _your_ aunt, not mine," said Louisa a little disgruntled at his suggestion. "In any case, I have to be in school today."

"Oh, right… well, I'll have to try and get up there myself then," he huffed slightly.

"Come on, let's not argue over something so silly," said Louisa, trying to avert a potentially prickly situation.

"Yes, yes… sorry," Martin replied, annoyed that he was reverting back to his usual rude self, something that he had promised himself he wouldn't do when he was with Louisa.

"As much as I'd like to stay like this all day, I really have to get ready to go," said a rather melancholy Martin. He had grown very used to waking up in her bed, and it had been even better this morning, waking up in it with Louisa next to him.

"Okay, you get ready and I'll go and make us some breakfast," said Louisa as she jumped out of bed and grabbed her negligee from the floor before rushing off to the bathroom.

Martin watched her naked body as she skipped across the bedroom. He knew that he was going to have to have a cold shower when he got in there because the very sight of her made him hot under the collar.

It wasn't long before Louisa came back out in her dressing gown and gestured to Martin that she was going downstairs. Martin nodded and very reluctantly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

~x~

Louisa heard the creak of the stairs as Martin came down from the bedroom. He walked glumly into the kitchen and placed his hold-all on the floor.

"Oh, dear," gasped Louisa. "Maybe you _should _have hung your suit up last night."

Martin looked down at his jacket and trousers - which were decidedly crumpled - brushing them down with his hands.

"Hmm… I can just imagine what Pauline is going to say," he sighed. "That is, of course, assuming I get up to the surgery without bumping into the local tarts, who will no doubt beat her to it and take great pleasure in guessing what I was doing last night."

"I've told you before; you worry too much about what other people say about you," Louisa said helpfully.

"Hmm… tosser, usually!"

"Now that's not true, Martin," Louisa replied, as she turned to straighten his tie.

"Yes, it is."

"Well… yes, I suppose it is one of the words that I hear the most when parents are talking about you in the playground… But honestly, I'd take it as a term of endearment," said Louisa, trying to sound convincing.

"Oh, thanks a lot. That makes me feel a lot better."

"Err, anyway, shall we have breakfast?" asked Louisa, changing the subject swiftly.

After a quick breakfast, Martin was ready to head back to the surgery. He gathered together his hold-all and groceries and headed for the door. Louisa opened it up and had just kissed Martin rather purposefully on the lips when she became aware of Dave, the postman, standing in front of them grinning widely.

"Morning _all_," he said, with a wistful look on his face, before carrying on with his round.

"Oh, God," said both Martin and Louisa together.

Even though Martin had been staying there for the last few weeks and it wasn't unusual for people to see him leaving her cottage, they were both convinced that Dave – being a very observant postman – knew exactly what they had been up to the night before. Besides, the way she had kissed Martin had been a dead giveaway.

"Look, don't worry, I'll try and get up to see Joan before Dave reaches her," said Louisa, who had resigned herself to the fact that she would have to be the one to break the news to his aunt.

"Hmm, thanks. I think it may come as a bit of a shock to her, though. She's convinced that you and I could never make it work," sighed Martin.

"Oh, I think she may have changed her mind a bit since she spoke to you before you were ill. She told me that she regrets saying those things to you."

"Really? Oh, well, good, I'm glad," said Martin, in his usual monosyllabic way.

Martin moved towards the door and Louisa held it open for him. They looked at each other for a second and then said together,

"Tonight?"

"Let's meet up," suggested Martin.

"Dinner?" asked Louisa.

"Yes."

"Yes."

Martin leaned in to kiss Louisa on the cheek, and as he started to head away from the cottage, he heard the pomp of a horn behind him. As the van passed, he saw that it was Dave, the postie, who stuck out his hand and gave Martin the thumbs up.

For some reason, this gesture filled Martin with an unusual sense of pride and he puffed out his chest as he continued on towards the surgery.

~x~

Much to his relief, Martin made it up to the house without meeting any giggling teenage girls, and so the only other obstacle he needed to overcome would be Pauline. He opened the porch door and walked into the surgery with the intention of hurrying up the stairs.

As soon as he got in, he saw Pauline and Dave huddled together, deep in conversation. He thought perhaps he could sneak past as they were talking.

"Morning, Doc, _sleep well_?" giggled Pauline, who wasn't going to miss the opportunity of embarrassing the hell out of him, just for the fun of it.

Martin turned to look at her and then promptly put his head down and ran up the stairs two steps at a time.

By the time Martin had finished his morning's surgery, he was very tired. He took his patients' notes through to file away and as he was returning to his consulting room to tidy up, Pauline shouted over to him.

"Can I be a bridesmaid then?"

Martin turned and gave her a horrified stare before walking into the door frame and then slamming the door shut behind him.

The people in the village never ceased to amaze him. How anyone ever got any work done was beyond him. They were all too interested in gossiping about this and that. He couldn't abide it and if it wasn't for Louisa, he felt sure that he would never have stuck it out this long.

Louisa… he had to phone Louisa to ask her if anyone else knew about their engagement.

"Err, yes, it does appear that people know about… us," she said, as she turned to look at the huge banner that was draped across the front of the school. "That isn't a problem, is it?"

"Um, no, I suppose not. But when do you think you can go up to see Aunty Joan?" he asked sheepishly.

"Ah, there's a slight problem with that. Mr Lewis is off sick today, so I'm going to have to cover for him. Sorry, Martin, it's down to you," Louisa apologised.

"Right; no, it's okay, I'll just finish up here and then head over to the farm," sighed Martin wearily.

"Are you okay, Martin? You sound a little tired." Louisa was concerned that he'd done too much and now she felt really guilty that he was having to drive all the way out to the farm.

"Yes, I'm fine… It was harder than I thought it would be," he admitted.

"Well, just be careful and I'll see you at six. Are you sure you don't want to come here?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'd like to cook for you tonight… so, see you at six."

~x~

"Oh Marty, I'm so pleased for you and Louisa," gushed Joan, as she pulled her nephew to her for a huge hug.

"Mind you, I still can't imagine what she sees in you," she said with a grin on her face.

"_Thanks,_ Aunty Joan! Actually, she's told me that she never wants me to change," Martin gloated.

"Please tell me you don't believe her, Marty. You know that you'll have to make a huge effort to keep your big mouth shut when you're around her, don't you?"

"If you mean that I'm going to have to be a little more tactful, then, yes, of course I realise that. I'm not a total idiot you know," said Martin indignantly. "Actually we've had a very good talk about things and I think she understands me a lot more now."

"Well, I'm sure_ I'll_ never understand you, so she's doing remarkably well already!"

"Hmm, anyway, I just wanted you to know before anyone else told you. It seems it's all round the village already. I swear I'll never get used to that blasted place," barked Martin.

"If it wasn't for that _blasted place,_ you would never have met Louisa, and you would still have been a lonely old bachelor, so maybe it's not all that bad… eh?"

Martin rolled his eyes at his aunt. He knew by now that she was the only person that he'd never win an argument with, so it really wasn't worth trying. He followed her back to the farmhouse and she disappeared off into one of the back rooms as he made them both a cup of tea.

"There, I knew I could find it," said Joan as she held a tiny box aloft in her hand. "It was my mother's engagement ring; it's yours if you want it. I had thought that one day I might be giving it to a son of my own… but you'll have to do."

Martin took the box from his aunt and fumbled to open the delicate clasp with his big fingers. Eventually it sprung open and he stared at the beautiful dainty diamond ring within.

"Thanks, Aunty, I'm sure Louisa will love it." And he bent forward to kiss her on the cheek.

"Now then, all we need to do now is make sure you know how to give it to her."

"Err, I don't know what you mean; don't I just hand it to her?" asked Martin, rather confused. "After all, Louisa was the one who asked _me_ to marry_ her_."

"Martin, a woman likes to be romanced and flattered every now and again, two concepts that unfortunately are completely alien to you. Now then, come over here and let the lesson begin…"

~x~

As Martin prepared their evening meal, he mulled over the advice that his aunt had given him earlier in the day. Of course, he knew that his aunt was right about women and their feelings, but it still didn't make a great deal of sense to him.

It wasn't long before Louisa arrived at the surgery. Martin greeted her at the door and took her coat as she entered the kitchen.

"Evening, Martin. I take it you went to see Joan?"

"Yes, yes I did," he replied.

"And…?" asked Louisa, trying to coax a little bit more information out of him.

"Oh, sorry, yes, you want to know how she took the news."

"Well, yes actually."

"She was very pleased… for us both, particularly for me I think. She probably thought that no-one would ever want to have anything to do with me and I'd end up the eternal bachelor," sighed Martin.

"Oh, I'm sure she didn't… anyway, that's not going to happen now is it," said Louisa as she reached up and gave Martin a peck on the cheek.

"Um… no," said Martin, a little embarrassed by the whole situation. "Why don't you take a seat at the table and I'll serve our main course."

Louisa sat down and waited for Martin to dish out their meal. She watched him as he did so, carefully placing the salmon, vegetables and potatoes onto their plates. He was a very good cook; it was certainly one of his… _few_ strong points.

"This looks lovely," said Louisa.

"Um, thank you. Optimal nutritional value," explained Martin, nodding. "Oh, erm, I have something for you."

"Oh, right," said Louisa excitedly, as she watched him pat down his pockets, frantically searching for whatever it was that he had got her.

"Ah, here," he said, taking a small blue box out of his jacket pocket. "It was my grandmother's. I… hope you like it." Martin placed the ring down onto the table before remembering what his aunt had told him.

"Martin, it's beautiful," said Louisa, as she reached out to pick it up, but before she could do so, Martin had snatched it back off the table, much to her surprise.

"Erm, oh, actually, I need this," he said awkwardly before standing and walking round to the side of the table nearest to Louisa.

Suddenly Martin fell to one knee and took Louisa's hand in his.

"Louisa, it would be the greatest of honours to become your husband," he said stiffly and then clumsily attempted to push the ring onto her finger.

"I'm actually not sure it will fit. By all accounts, my grandmother had rheumatoid arthritis, terribly gnarled hands and fingers. I expect they were enormous with all the swelling," Martin explained, a little too graphically for Louisa's liking.

The ring slid onto Louisa's finger with comparative ease, and they both looked at each other slightly embarrassed. For once, Martin realised that it would be better if he said nothing more on the matter of his grandmother's affliction. Instead he just returned to his seat at the table opposite Louisa.

After a rather strained silence, Louisa reached for the salt grinder and put a little on her potatoes. Martin watched as she seasoned the vegetables and then explained,

"Actually, did you know that potatoes contain enough sodium?"

"Err, no, but I always think they taste better with a pinch," Louisa replied, feeling sure that she was about to hear one of his usual medical speeches on the dangers of excessive salt intake.

Martin considered Louisa's reply and was desperate to warn her of the possibility of bloating due to fluid retention, but he decided to take his aunt's advice and make sure that all medical talk was kept for the confines of his consulting room.

Pleasantly surprised by Martin's impressive self-restrain, she relaxed and started to enjoy her meal.

"What are your plans for the rest of the evening?" Martin enquired, furtively.

"Oh, well, I thought I'd probably be staying," Louisa replied. "But I can just finish this and then go home… if that's what you want?"

"Erm, no, no. There's cheese and apple for afters, and I'd like you to stay. I mean that'd be good… if you stayed the night," Martin said hesitantly and remembered the other present that his aunt had persuaded him to buy Louisa.

He reached under the table and pulled out a very elegant-looking bag. He handed it across the table and then immediately put his head down and continued eating. As Louisa started to unwrap the present, she could see that he was making a determined effort not to look up at her, and she was sure that she could see the tips of his ears turning redder and redder.

Enclosed in the parcel was a beautiful black lace chemise and Louisa was actually very impressed by Martin's taste in ladies' underwear.

"It's gorgeous. Maybe I could wear it for you later?" Louisa teased.

"Um, err," Martin struggled and cleared his throat. "More salt?" he squirmed as he swiftly placed the grinder in front of her plate.

~x~

The following morning both Martin and Louisa were rudely awoken by the sound of the surgery door slamming shut.

"God, of all the days that she could be early," Martin cursed.

"Look, it doesn't matter. We're engaged now, and we can do whatever we like in the confines of our own bedrooms," Louisa sighed. She wished that he would get over his self-consciousness where the locals were concerned.

"And I certainly found out what you like last night, didn't I?" she giggled as she buried her head under the covers.

"Louisa, LOUISA! Please, not now. Pauline will hear us and then my day will be even more unbearable than it's going to be," Martin said grumpily.

"Fine, I'll just get myself ready to go then," Louisa sulked.

After using the bathroom and dressing, Louisa walked down the stairs and saw Pauline at her computer.

"Morning, Pauline," she said, thinking it was better to say something first before the receptionist got the chance. "And before you say it, no, we didn't get much sleep and, yes, he is bloody good in bed."

Pauline's jaw fell open and she stared in disbelief as Martin came down the stairs in his dressing gown and kissed Louisa farewell.

"Morning, Pauline, are you feeling alright?" he asked as he studied the strange expression on her face.

"Yes… Doctor," Pauline replied. And for once, she was totally lost for words.

After an eventful morning surgery where he'd had to deal with Bert and Postman Dave's respiratory conditions, he had to head off to see Beth Sawle, whose knee was inexplicably getting worse rather than better following her knee-replacement operation. He hoped that he wouldn't be too long, as he'd arranged to meet Louisa for a meal at her cottage.

His consultation with Beth Sawle had been rather alarming, mainly because of her particularly spooky sister, Janet. He had a feeling that Beth's infected knee had something to do with the sister, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Of course, he hadn't believed Pauline when she'd spun him a yarn about Janet Sawle having poisoned her work colleagues at Porton Down. Nevertheless, there was something suspicious going on, but he didn't have the time or inclination to investigate further, as he was eager to get to Louisa's.

~x~

After finishing their meal, Louisa led Martin out onto her balcony. It was a lovely day and one of the main reasons she'd bought the cottage was because of its gorgeous view. She was desperately trying to encourage Martin to be softer and more adventurous, and by exposing him to new stimulus, she thought she might achieve it. Of course, she realised it would be a slow process.

"They've had a cancellation, three weeks, he said."

"Oh, um."

"You don't think it's too soon?" asked Louisa uncertainly.

"No… I don't. Why do you think it's too soon?" said Martin, hurriedly.

"No! I mean we want to get married, so why wait?" asked Louisa.

She really was sublimely beautiful and he always loved looking at her whilst they stood on her balcony. The light breeze blew her hair delicately and he leaned forward and kissed her softy. Pulling away, he stared into her eyes before capturing her lips once more, this time with more of a purpose.

Louisa was just starting to respond nicely when Martin felt the familiar vibration of the mobile phone in his pocket.

"I don't suppose you could just leave that?" enquired Louisa, hopefully, already knowing full well that he was too much of a professional to do that.

"Err, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he said, and then barked, "Ellingham!" into the phone.

Louisa went back into the cottage as Martin took his call and she started to clear away their plates.

"I'm sorry, I have to go I'm afraid. That new lad at Bert's restaurant has collapsed. Perhaps we can meet up tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'd like that. Why don't we try Bert's for a change and then maybe you could… come back here after?" asked Louisa.

Yes, fine. I'll meet you there… six okay?" Martin enquired.

"Yes."

"Good."

"Um, bye then."

"Bye, Martin."

~x~

The following day Martin received a panicked call from Beth Sawle at the end of his morning surgery. She was having problems breathing, and although he really didn't relish the thought of driving out to see her or of having to associate with her weird sister again, he knew that there was no alternative.

He just hoped that her breathing difficulties weren't related to those of Bert, Mick and Dave. She had enough to contend with an infected knee.

Once he got there, it quickly unravelled that she hadn't been taking her antibiotics and instead, she'd been having some concoction her nutty sister had given her. After searching out Janet Sawle in her "laboratory", Martin quickly called the authorities so that they could shut down her illegal pharmaceutical factory.

Pleased with his afternoon's work, he made his way back to Portwenn. He had a few things to finish up at the surgery, and he knew that he'd likely be a little late meeting Louisa. Punctuality was one of his better traits, so he was annoyed that he would be letting her down.

~x~

Louisa sat over-looking the sea when Pauline wandered over to her and started asking her questions about the wedding. She cursed Martin for being late, as she thought that Pauline wouldn't have come near her had he been there. One look from Martin was often enough to scare away even the grumpiest of locals.

After firmly telling Pauline that she didn't want one bridesmaid let alone two, Louisa looked up and was relieved to see Martin striding towards her.

Pauline abruptly scuttled off with her tail between her legs, and Martin glanced oddly in his receptionist's direction as he took a seat opposite Louisa.

"Sorry I'm late. Blasted Sawle sisters," he cursed.

"Don't worry; it's only a few minutes. Oh, by the way, Roger Fenn has offered to give me away, since my dad's… you know…"

"In prison!"

"Yes… thank you Martin," Louisa replied tersely.

They were both distracted as Al walked out from the kitchen and announced that everything bar the all-day breakfast was off the menu. A lot of muttering could be heard as most of the disgruntled customers got up and left.

Louisa looked at Martin and suggested, "I could rustle something up."

"Oh, I'm sure they'd be very grateful."

"No, I mean for us… just for us, back at my place," Louisa said, pointing in the direction of her cottage.

"Yes, yes, I'd like that. Erm… I got you something," Martin said.

"Oh! Thank you." Louisa was excited especially as Martin's last present had been a very pleasant surprise indeed and enjoyed equally by both of them.

Martin pulled a box out of his pocket and started to get something out of it.

"It's to help with your snoring," he said bluntly.

"I don't snore," said Louisa indignantly.

"Yes… you do."

"And… I need sleep, if we are going to spend nights together. These are self adhesive and apply a gentle constant pressure, whilst pulling the nostrils apart and effectively widening the nasal passage and increasing the airflow."

Louisa snatched the strip from his hand and firmly attached it to her nose.

"You're only supposed to wear them at night," he said.

Louisa stared at him stonily, "Actually, Martin, I don't recall us getting an awful lot of sleep any of the times that we've spent the night together so far, and it certainly hasn't been because of my _snoring_."

"Hmm, well yes, I suppose we have been rather… active."

"And you really want to wake up next to me wearing this," she said as she pointed to her nose.

Martin started to realise that this was one of his tactless moments. Louisa was accepting him warts and all, so maybe he should be able to do the same with her and put up with a few of her annoying little habits. He'd started to make a mental note of a few already, and it was taking him all of his time not to mention them to her.

"Hmm, well, maybe I have over-reacted a bit," he said, trying to dig himself out of the hole.

"Good, I'm glad that you see things my way. In any case, I've never snored in my life," replied Louisa, as she gave Martin a rather disgusted stare.

Martin thought for a moment and then said,

"Hmm…besides…maybe I could get myself some earplugs instead."

~x~

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**AN** – This chapter is based between episodes 6 & 7 of series 3. Thanks again to Diane for her beta talents (any errors are my own, from too much tinkering).

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin belongs to Buffalo Pictures Ltd, no copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter 5  
**

~x~

Three weeks passed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Louisa spent most of her time making wedding preparations: sorting out flowers and dresses and arranging the reception with Bert. They'd reluctantly agreed to let Bert and Al provide the food and venue for the reception, but Louisa wanted to be sure that there could be no cock-ups on the day. So she'd given them a comprehensive list of hers and Martin's requirements.

Martin spent most of his time trying to understand why getting married seemed to be such a complicated business.

He had been particularly busy at the surgery since news of their engagement had reached the villagers. He'd lost count of the number of malingerers that had found their way into his consulting room with apparently bogus complaints. He knew they weren't genuinely ill; they'd just made up a whole host of ridiculous diseases, just so that they could come and grill him about his impending nuptials.

They'd spent their evenings mainly at White Rose Cottage. Martin found it to be far quieter there, especially when he wasn't on call. For some reason, the locals didn't often knock on Louisa's door like they would do up at the surgery. Hence, there were very few nights that they had spent apart in the last few weeks.

Louisa's snoring was still a particularly thorny issue, especially when Martin insisted on putting in his earplugs straight after they had made love. But Louisa had an irritating habit of falling asleep directly after they had finished. Martin always thought that it was men that got the blame for being insensitive in bed, but Louisa could certainly give them a run for their money in that respect.

He hoped that it was just the fact that she was tired after a hard day at school and not because she was bored with his efforts.

As far as Louisa was concerned, things were going quite well between them. They'd settled into a comfortable routine and she already felt as if she were married to Martin. If this was what it would be like, then she was more than happy., particularly because she was pleasantly surprised that Martin hadn't insulted her _very often_ in the past three weeks. He was obviously trying hard. She did find his obsession with the earplugs a little disconcerting, though, and thought him very rude when he would quickly insert them in his ears as soon as they had finished their love-making sessions. When this was the case, Louisa would just roll over and pretend to go to sleep. If he was going to be obnoxious, then so was she.

She did get some consolation, however, in the fact that he was now trying out his fourth set. The previous three had been a little too small for his larger than average ears. Louisa found the thought of Martin having to ask Mrs Tishell for earplugs on four separate occasions particularly amusing.

~x~

Before long, the day before their wedding was finally here. Louisa had persuaded Martin that he should stay up at the surgery that night, as it was bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other on the actual morning of the wedding. In any case, Louisa was expecting her best friend, Isobel, to arrive in the early evening and they would no doubt have a lot of catching up to do. She didn't think that Martin would appreciate sitting around listening to their girlie chit-chat.

Louisa was also a little apprehensive about what her friend would think of Martin. When Isobel had asked, she had been a little conservative in her description of him: "tall, strong, intelligent, blondish, blue eyes… _What's not to like_?" she had joked. Of course, as always, the devil is in the detail… or lack of it in this case!

Having finished up at the surgery early that afternoon, Martin said goodbye to Pauline – who had been fussing over him all day – and with great relief he headed off down the hill towards Louisa's cottage.

"Alright, Doc? Are the nerves kickin' in yet?" asked Bert Large, as Martin passed the restaurant.

"No," barked Martin, continuing to stride down the hill.

"Don't you worry; me and Al have everything under control. They'll be talkin' about your wedding reception for years to come," Bert shouted in Martin's direction.

"That's what worries me," mumbled Martin as he rolled his eyes and continued to march purposefully towards Louisa's. He was determined not to be distracted, as he wanted to spend as much as he could of the remainder of the day with her. She had a friend arriving in a few hours, and he wanted to be well out of the way by the time she got there, particularly if she turned out to be as hideous as that Holly woman.

Louisa was such a nice person; he never understood how she could have such imbecilic friends.

A few strides further on, Martin heard a voice in the distance.

"Doctor… _Oh, Doctor_."

Martin put his head down, as he instantly recognised it to be the unmistakable voice of Mrs Tishell.

"Cooeey… Doctor Ellingham!"

"Oh, God," he muttered to himself, as he started to lengthen his stride.

Just as he thought he'd lost her, he saw his aunt pull up in her pick-up. She wound down the window and stuck her head out.

"Ah, Marty, I was just on my way up to see you," she explained.

Pointing in the opposite direction, he said, "Um, I'm going to Louisa's."

"Right, I'll just park the car and see you there then."

"NO!... erm, I mean, it's not a very convenient time," he barked rudely. The last thing he wanted was his aunt taking up any of the precious time he had left to be with Louisa. He wanted her all to himself.

"Hmm, I see. Wouldn't want to _cramp your style_," said Joan, with a knowing smile on her face.

Martin began to feel a little flushed. Joan chuckled as she started to roll the window back up.

"See you tomorrow, Martin. I'll be round nice and early to check on you. Make sure you haven't decided to run off back to London or something equally as idiotic." And with that, she closed the last inch of the window and drove away.

Suddenly, Martin became aware of heavy, rasping breathing over his shoulder. He looked around and saw a very hot and flustered-looking Mrs Tishell - who had managed to catch him up - bent double in the middle of the road.

"Glad… I… caught… you, Doctor," gasped Mrs Tishell as she continued to puff and pant in a very distressed state.

Martin glanced at his watch in irritation and looked once again towards the pharmacist.

"Well… what do you want?" he snapped, as he stood and watched her struggling for breath.

Mrs Tishell finally looked up at Martin. She composed herself before replying, still rather breathlessly.

"I just wanted to say… it will be a pleasure to play the music… at your wedding tomorrow, Doctor. I've been practising all week. My fingers are quite loose now," she rasped, as she flexed them in a suggestive manner, just in front of his chest.

Martin took a step backwards and stared at Mrs Tishell.

"Hmm, well, thank you." And he turned to walk away. She grabbed him by the arm and tugged him back.

"You are sure, aren't you?" she said very seriously. "Marriage is a huge commitment. I should know, I've been stuck with… err, I mean… married to Clive for eighteen years now. Eighteen looonnng years…"

She sighed heavily and appeared to slip into some sort of contemplative trance. Martin looked down at her hand and forcibly removed his arm from her grip, jolting her from her daydream. Looking startled, she then patted his arm and said,

"Well, good, I'm glad we had that little chat. So, I'll see you at church," she said, chirpily.

Martin grunted and then turned to walk away.

"Don't forget now, it's never too late to change your mind," she shouted after him.

Ignoring her, he continued on the last few paces to White Rose Cottage.

He let himself in with the key that Louisa had given him when he had been recuperating from his illness. She'd never asked for it back and it seemed natural for him to keep hold of it since he spent such a lot of time at her place.

Louisa heard the key in the lock from upstairs in the bedroom. After the door had shut again, she shouted down the stairs,

"I'm up here, Martin. Don't you dare come up just yet, though; just stay there. There are a few things I need to put away."

Martin took Louisa's words literally and he stood perfectly still as he heard her rummaging around in her bedroom.

She quickly wrapped up her wedding dress again and placed it carefully into her wardrobe. The last thing she wanted was for it to get horribly creased before tomorrow. She did, however, want Martin to join her upstairs, so she knew that it had to go somewhere out of sight.

"Okay, you can come up now," she shouted down.

As soon as he heard her words, he bounded up the stairs and into her bedroom.

"Hello, Martin. How has your day been?" she asked cheerily.

"Tedious."

"Oh… well, never mind, you can relax now," she told him, as she closed the distance between them and gave Martin a kiss on the cheek.

"Um… how are you feeling?" Martin asked.

"Erm… fine, why?" answered Louisa.

"Oh, just wondering if you have any worries – you know – about tomorrow?"

"No… should I have? - do you?"

"Ah, no, um, just ignore me. I shouldn't have started this conversation," said Martin, getting more than a little irritated by Louisa's uncanny knack of answering his questions with a question of her own.

Looking at his watch, Martin turned to Louisa and said, "What time are you expecting your friend… um… Imogen?"

"_Isobel, _should be at the station at 7.30. I'll have to go and pick her up. You can come with me if you like."

"Oh, I - err… probably not a good idea," Martin quickly replied.

"Yes, you might be right. Don't want her taking one look at you and then spending the rest of the evening trying to bring me to my senses," Louisa joked. However, her humour seemed to go right over Martin's head as he cast her a worried glance.

"Joking, Martin!"

"Oh, yes, of course you were." Martin relaxed a little and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took hold of Louisa's hand and drew her down to sit next to him.

"Sooooo… we have about three hours until I have to go and collect Isobel," Louisa said suggestively, as she started to play with the buttons of his jacket. "Any ideas what we can do until then?"

Martin took hold of Louisa's hands and gently removed them from his jacket. He held them tightly and stared at Louisa.

"Martin… is everything alright?"

"Yes, I was just thinking about tomorrow. You've done so much to prepare for our wedding and I've hardly helped you at all."

"Well, it's not unusual for men not to get too involved. Don't worry, Martin, it's quite normal… even for you," Louisa tried to explain and reassure Martin, but she could tell by the look on his face that something was still troubling him.

"Martin, you're starting to worry me now," she said nervously.

"It's just - well, what I mean is…" he sighed as he looked once again into Louisa's eyes. "I hate all this fuss. All I want is for you and me to be married, quietly, no stupid idiots leering at us like we're some sort of freak show."

"Oh, Martin, is that what you believe people think of us?"

"That's what they think of me, that I'm some sort of freak of nature. Most of them can't understand what you see in me. That's become blatantly obvious from the cynical remarks and nasty gossiping that I've had to endure in the surgery over the last few weeks."

"Well, who gives a toss what they think? I certainly don't. The only people that matter to us can see that we love each other. Now if they started to doubt us, then I would be worried," laughed Louisa, as her fingers wandered back to the buttons of his jacket and started to slowly undo them.

Martin was encouraged by her upbeat attitude and managed to push the doubts to the back of his mind as he allowed Louisa to remove his jacket. Having learned from past mistakes, he folded it neatly and placed it on the chair next to her bed.

"Three hours you said? Hmm, I think we will be just about finished by then," Martin joked, as he pulled the jumper over Louisa's head and quickly fumbled to remove his own shirt.

Once they had removed each other's clothing, they climbed beneath the covers of Louisa's bed. Martin held the duvet up as Louisa snuggled closely into him.

"Oh, you are beautiful, Louisa Glasson," Martin whispered, as he stroked her hair.

"You won't be able to call me that for very much longer," she told him.

"No. Tomorrow you will be Mrs Ellingham… my wife." Martin kissed Louisa passionately and they disappeared beneath the covers to make the most of their last few single hours together.

~x~

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **– Well, I've finally reached the conclusion of this story. It went on for a lot longer than I intended. This chapter is my alternative to the disastrous final episode of series 3.

My thanks go to Diane for her beta skills. Any remaining mistakes are mine from tinkering after she was done. Thanks also to Gill for being a great sounding board and for continuing to encourage me when I was about to give up on the story.

Finally, thanks to those people who do actually bother to leave reviews. Perhaps the most important thing, after the enjoyment of writing, is knowing that others appreciate your work. Without reviews, there is little point.

**Disclaimer** – Doc Martin and its characters belong to Buffalo Pictures Ltd. I'm only playing with them for a short while.

**Rating** - T

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Over… finished.

His last surgery as a single man had finally come to an end after a rather eventful day. Soon he would be married.

Martin looked into the mirror as he adjusted his tie.

He had just left Louisa outside the surgery. They had kissed farewell and then she was gone. He'd watched as she walked gracefully all the way down the hill.

After her friend Isabel had given birth and they'd seen her safely off in the ambulance, Louisa had turned to him and told him that she would make an excuse for him. Tell Isabel that he wouldn't be able to be the Godfather to her new born little girl.

Is that what the rest of their lives would entail…? Louisa, making excuses for his behaviour.

Too many times over the course of the day Martin had been reminded of the fact that he could never make her happy. All of the doubts that had haunted him during his recuperation came flooding back. He had been reluctant to become involved with her again because he was worried about losing control of his emotions if it didn't work out.

He recalled his conversation with Mr Elliott earlier in the day. He'd been explaining how the patient would have to learn to live with his genetic condition, Klinefelter's Syndrome.

"There's no cure, you can't change it, just have to learn how to live with it."

Mr Elliott had been understandably upset when Martin had told him that he didn't have a choice, even if he felt he couldn't adjust to his condition.

"It just depends how miserable you want the rest of your life to be."

And that was it really… in a nutshell. Louisa would never be able to "cure" Martin, never be able to change him.

"That's a bit depressing," Mr Elliott had sighed.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Martin agreed.

Their marriage would be a disaster; it couldn't be anything else. He didn't really believe in fate, but everything about the day so far led him to believe that his marriage was destined to fail.

He'd already been humiliated by the stand-in vicar that he'd had to find at extremely short notice, due to the fact that the actual vicar had been so inebriated that he'd fallen and broken his hip when Martin had tried to remove a bottle of whiskey from him.

Pauline had accused him of trying to knobble the vicar so that the wedding wouldn't go ahead, and to top it all, his Aunty Joan had informed him of the obvious.

"It's going to be a disaster, Martin."

Then he'd found himself with his fingers up a pig's backside. He'd done it because he so desperately wanted to marry Louisa, but when asked about the real meaning of love and marriage, he hadn't even been able to get that question right.

Of course the most important thing was - could he make Louisa happy? The final straw came when Roger Fenn had quizzed him about his intentions towards Louisa. At first Martin had just thought that he was taking his "father of the bride" duties a little too seriously, but then Martin had realised that Roger was right. The whole village had been astounded at the news of his and Louisa's engagement. And now Martin himself couldn't understand what she saw in him.

Even the dry cleaner had cast doubts in his mind. "After the sun comes the rain," he had said prophetically.

The flowers were a disaster. PC Penhale had made sure of that by arresting the florist. Now all that was left to turn the day into a complete shambles was for some catastrophe to befall their reception.

Martin took out the small blue box that contained Louisa's wedding band. He turned it slowly in his fingers and then gripped it tightly in the palm of his hand before placing it in his pocket.

He made his way downstairs and sat down on the sofa. The weight of the world lay heavy on his shoulders. Taking the ring out of his jacket pocket, he placed it on the table and pushed it away slightly.

The more Martin stared at it, the more he realised that he needed to see Louisa. He needed to talk to her. There was still time. She shouldn't have set off for the church just yet. He scooped the ring up off the table and headed towards the back door.

~x~

Louisa stood before her mirror. She carefully placed the veil on her head and attached it securely.

She'd given Pauline strict instructions not to follow her up the stairs and had left her and Roger on the balcony, still making sarcastic comments about Martin.

Louisa couldn't believe that even her friends were being so cruel about her relationship with Martin. She recalled the day before when she'd reassured him that the people that were important to them knew how committed they were to each other, but now - what was she to think? Did the _whole_ village believe that they were totally unsuited?

She had become more and more stressed out as the day had progressed. It hadn't started well with Isabel and Pauline not exactly hitting it off. If only Isobel hadn't accused Pauline's stuffed mushrooms of giving her indigestion.

Then Roger had very kindly brought some party poppers to get them into the party spirit. He obviously thought that she needed as much excitement as possible in her life now, before it was too late and she was destined to spend the rest of her days shackled to Martin.

But, of course Isabel had to get her bloody head in the way, didn't she? The party popper had hit her directly in the eye and she had been in considerable pain. Louisa swore that woman enjoyed being a victim.

Martin had agreed to see Isobel, as Louisa knew he would. But she had been concerned about how he would treat her bridesmaid, and she had been right to be concerned when Isabel came back and informed Louisa that Martin had been very rude to her.

"It's not rudeness, just the way he is, especially with work," she had explained, when she jumped to Martin's defence.

Isabel seemed to agree and said that he had indeed been very professional, and in any case, he was probably different outside of work.

"Oh yeah, he's a total riot," Pauline had sneered.

Why on earth was bloody Pauline there anyway? She was Martin's receptionist, who was competent at best. Sometimes Louisa wished she was a lot better at saying no to people.

Bert and Al did nothing to allay her fears about the day when they came to explain about the change of venue for the reception, but it actually turned out that a marquee next to the church might be a much better place to have it than the restaurant.

Just as she was starting to relax a little, there had been a knock at the door. As she opened it up, she was faced with possibly the last person that she wanted to see that day – Mrs Tishell.

"Is the wedding postponed?" Mrs Tishell had asked, with an almost gleeful look on her face. And then she'd taken great pleasure in informing Louisa about the problem with the vicar.

Martin hadn't been exactly reassuring when she'd called him, but he had told her that he was dealing with the situation. So she thought that she should trust him. After all, in a very short space of time he was to become her husband and a successful marriage was nothing without trust.

Practically the last straw came when she sat there listening to Mrs Tishell, Pauline and Roger all talking about Martin. They were saying how they were unlikely to ever have children. Louisa had been unable to contain her anger any longer and she found herself shouting in frustration,

"Just shut up, will you. All day long, running Martin down like it's some kind of joke. Everyone has a snide little comment or pithy advice… or complaints about what kind of day they're having. For once, it's not about any of you; it's about Martin and me."

The only thing that Louisa could do right there and then was to leave them all to it. Isabel had wanted to go with her on her walk, but Louisa for once had told her in no uncertain terms that she was to stay at the cottage.

Sitting overlooking the harbour, the soothing sea air had started to calm her anger. Peace and tranquilly, however, were soon shattered by Isabel's appearance and the subsequent breaking of her waters.

That was it; nothing more could happen now that would make the day any worse. She had no bridesmaid - well, apart from Pauline. The whole village, their friends included, considered their marriage to be a source of extreme hilarity and to top it all, when she'd seen Martin up on the hill, she could tell that he was again having doubts.

She'd looked him in the eye as they parted at the surgery and saw once again the vulnerable man that she had nursed back to health. His day had most likely been as torturous as hers. She really couldn't blame him for his insecurities.

After brushing down her dress and rearranging her veil once again, she carefully went down the stairs. As she turned the corner into the kitchen, she heard Pauline and Roger still in fits of laughter. She wasn't sure what they were discussing, but she didn't care anymore. Walking towards the balcony, she gestured towards the door,

"You can go, both of you. I'll meet you up at the church."

"But Louisa, I'm giving you away; you're supposed to come with me," said a bemused Roger.

"I just need some time on my own. Don't worry, I'll be there...one way or another," she said, wearily.

Roger gestured to Pauline to gather her things together, then he took her by the elbow and reluctantly they left the cottage.

For the first time all day, Louisa finally felt in control. She stepped onto the balcony and took a deep breath. It was a pleasant but slightly breezy day. She looked across the harbour to the surgery. She imagined that Martin was already at the church by now, or at least on his way. Soon she would be there too. They would be standing in front of all the people who were just dying to see their marriage fail. Eager to say "I told you so," "He'd never make you happy, too cold, not a kind bone in his body."

What did they know anyway? They knew nothing about the Martin Ellingham who was so loving when they were alone. All they saw or would let themselves see was a rude London surgeon, who thought he was better than anyone else and that was far from the truth.

Louisa knew better, though.

As she stared out to sea, she heard a quiet knock on the cottage door. She went to open it and recognised Martin's silhouette on the other side.

"Martin… what are you, I mean, shouldn't you be on your way to the church?"

Martin stooped as he came through the door. He turned to face Louisa as she shut the door behind them.

"I needed to see you." Martin looked around and then asked, "Where's Roger and Pauline?"

"Oh, I sent them up to the church. I'd had enough of listening to their stupid comments…" Louisa's voice trailed off as she realised that Martin was struggling to compose himself.

"Martin… what is it, ? I can tell by your sterner than normal face that something's wrong."

There was nothing else to it. Martin had to tell her how he felt; he couldn't just clam up, as was his usual method of dealing with awkward situations. This was far too important; it was Louisa's life that he was playing with.

"I can't marry you, Louisa. I've come to realise that you are such a vibrant person, full of life, and I just wouldn't be able to make you happy. Not in the long run, anyway. My mother spent forty years of her life tied to my father and she came to regret it, every last part of it. Most of all, she regretted having a son… having me. I was a burden to her, and I would be the same to you. In the end I would just drag you down. If you weren't happy, Louisa, then _I_ couldn't be happy. I love you… so much… but it would be a mistake. I'm sorry."

Martin took a step forward and took Louisa's hands in his.

"I do love you, Louisa, I really do, but I can't do this to you. It's in your best interests if I just walk away now."

He had to leave now or else his resolve would fail him once again, and he couldn't afford to let that happen, for Louisa's sake. There was no point in prolonging the agony. He softly kissed Louisa on the cheek, turned, opened the cottage door and stepped onto the street beyond.

Louisa was in shock as she heard the door gently click on the latch. She'd known that Martin was having doubts the previous day because of all the busy bodies that didn't have anything better to do than stick their noses where they didn't belong. He was walking out of her life; she was losing him, just as she had nearly lost him barely two months ago.

She was damned if she was going to allow the opinions of others ruin their lives. She knew that Martin's parents had been less than loving, but she had no idea that his own mother could have been so cruel and heartless. Now she understood Martin's behaviour that day she'd offered him a shoulder to cry on. He must have been totally devastated and his shell-shocked appearance was understandable now. She looked out of the window and saw him walking back towards the school.

Panic gripped her. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him again. She gathered up her dress and flung open the cottage door. With his lengthy strides, he had already reached the school.

"Martin… MARTIN, STOP!" she yelled.

He turned to look at her as she finally reached him.

Breathlessly she began, "I'm sorry, Martin, but I have to say this. Your mother is a pathetic, shallow excuse of a woman. The only decent thing she ever did in her life was to give birth to you."

She continued to fight for her breath, but she needed to say her piece. She had to let him know how she felt about him, how she felt about losing him.

"Why on earth do you think you wouldn't make me happy?"

"I'm…" Martin opened his mouth to reply, but Louisa interrupted.

"The last few weeks have been very special to me. I know you're not perfect, but then neither am I. I've come to realise that I have no right to expect you to change. You are who you are. I love you and I've always loved you, and nothing can alter that. If we just walk away from this now, then we will regret it for the rest of our lives. Please, Martin, I want to marry you; say you feel the same way."

Martin stared at her pleading eyes. Was it possible that this beautiful woman could love him so completely, that she was willing to put up with his brusque, obnoxious character?

He so desperately wanted to become her husband, but he still doubted whether he actually possessed the skills to sustain a healthy, loving relationship.

"For God's sake, Martin, for once in your life, do something for _you_, something that I know will make _you_ happy… marry me!"

He took a step forward and scooped her up into his arms.

"Yes, yes, I will."

After kissing her firmly on the lips, he placed her back down on the ground and looked at his watch.

"We're cutting it a bit fine to get to the church," he pointed out.

"I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, about all the fuss. To be honest, Martin, I don't want to get married in front of all those hypocrites. They're happy to come along and have a laugh at our expense. Well, no, I'm not havin' it," spat Louisa, vehemently.

"Listen," she whispered, as she took him by the arm and led him back down towards her cottage. "I've got a plan."

~x~

A taxi pulled up outside the church. From the back seat, Martin and Louisa could see Roger and his Aunty Joan waiting outside the church door with anxious expressions on their faces.

"You are sure about this, aren't you?" Martin asked, as he turned to look at Louisa.

"I am," Louisa nodded.

"Right then."

Martin opened the taxi door and was about to step out when Buddy, Aunty Joan's dog, came bounding towards the car.

"I've got a better idea," smiled Martin.

He took two letters out of his inside jacket pocket and placed them in the jaws of the Jack Russell cross.

"Go and find your mistress - go on, find Aunty Joan - you stupid dog."

And Martin gave the dog a gentle push up the rear with his foot and off Buddy ran towards an awaiting Joan.

Closing the taxi door once again, Martin took hold of Louisa's hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze. Louisa leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Station, please," Martin barked.

Louisa looked at Martin's face. He finally looked calm and at ease for the first time in several days. As the taxi pulled away, she turned to look behind her and saw that Buddy had indeed delivered his messages as requested. She turned back and gave Martin a peck on the cheek as she snuggled into his strong, protective arms once again.

Joan looked towards the taxi as it disappeared around the bend of the winding country lane. She ripped open the letter and then started to read its contents.

_Dear Aunty Joan,_

_It pains me to have to write this letter and I fear that this is going to be extremely hurtful to you, but I regret that it is unavoidable._

_It gives me no pleasure in telling you that Louisa and I cannot be married today, not here. We love each other very much, but we have realised that to go ahead with the wedding would be a mistake._

_I am extremely grateful to you for your support. But you see, you are the only one in this village that has ever shown any belief in our relationship. And even you took some convincing._

_Because of the gossip-mongers that have too much to say for themselves, the very same people that are sitting in that church now, I found myself doubting whether Louisa could ever be happy if she were married to me. That doubt almost caused me to walk away from Louisa today, forever. She has made me realise, though, that it is only our feelings that really matter. Neither of us can bring ourselves to face the hypocrites that are sitting within those walls._

_You know that I have always looked upon you as a mother. You are far dearer to me than my parents could ever be, so I hope that you can understand why I have done this today._

Joan looked up from the letter, tears starting to sting her eyes, and she glanced toward the door of the church from whence she could hear gasps of astonishment as Roger was reading the second of Buddy's messages out to the congregation.

She flicked away the moisture from her eyes and returned to the letter.

_Please understand that I am doing this not only for Louisa, but also for myself. Life is too short for "what ifs and if onlys."_

_I never imagined that I could ever find anyone as beautiful as Louisa who would love me without reservation. I know now that my life is finally complete. We shall be married, but not today, not here. _

_I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me and be happy for us both._

_Your loving nephew,_

_Martin._

Joan held the letter to her lips and then folded it carefully and placed it in her bag before calling for Buddy. Together they made their way slowly along the church path.

~x~


End file.
